


Thoughtless

by LyricalKris



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Hurt, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-19
Updated: 2013-06-11
Packaged: 2017-12-08 22:37:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 39,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/766844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyricalKris/pseuds/LyricalKris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life is confusing enough. Thoughtless words and deeds can make something as beautiful and pure as falling in love ugly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jessypt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jessypt/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N, Warnings, and Disclaimers: So up front, this will probably be difficult to read. I choose not to put detailed warnings in my AN's so if you have a question, please feel free to ask. I will happily talk it out with you.
> 
> These beautiful kids are SM's toys. I'm just playing with them for a while.
> 
> Dedication: This little ditty is for JessyPT on her birthday. I hope you know how much you're loved, appreciated, and adored. Happy birthday, baby girl!

"That kid gives me the creeps."

Using the guise of stretching, Edward Cullen craned his neck to figure out who his teammates were talking about. It wasn't difficult. When the Forks High School wrestling team practiced, there were always a few people in the bleachers. There were the smattering of siblings waiting for older brothers, a quartet of giggling, grinning girls, and the odd man out - Benjamin Touma.

Benjamin and his family were new in town, making them the subjects of gossip inherently. Sad as it was, the color of their skin made Benjamin a further outcast. Forks was a tiny, Northwestern town. There wasn't a lot of diversity to be had.

And then there was the persistent rumor that Benjamin might have been attracted primarily to members of his same sex.

Personally, Edward didn't see what any of that mattered. What he saw was how, despite the whispers that followed him, Benjamin was constantly smiling. He was unfailingly friendly. He was witty, and he was smart. He was a Junior, and yet he was in Edward's Senior level advanced placement classes. Ever since Benjamin had walked into his A.P. history class, Edward had liked him. He was on the right side of sassy - funny and confident, and usually right. He was the type to just as easily take on a teacher as a fellow student for a round of verbal sparring. Often, Edward would find himself hiding a grin behind his hand, just admiring the other boy's unwavering confidence.

"It's disgusting," Felix Scarpinato spat.

"He's not even looking at you assholes," Edward interjected, unable to keep himself out of the conversation any longer. He kept his tone light, still stretching as if he weren't really all that interested.

"What do you think he's looking at, Cullen?" Demetri Martin snorted.

Edward shrugged easily. "Ah, so what if he's perving?" He gave a pointed look in the direction of the four girls who were being extraordinarily obvious. Where Benjamin was merely watching the proceedings, they were fawning. "You don't mind if the girls look at you. What's the difference?"

"Dude, come on," James Damon said with a snort. "He probably thinks of us when he jerks off."

The other three boys looked ill. Edward just rolled his eyes. "I don't spend much time thinking about what other guys do with their dicks, dick."

"Cullen, Martin. You're up. Let's go."

"Coming, Coach," the boys said together, and the discussion was promptly forgotten.

**_~0~_ **

As the school year wore on, the whispers about Benjamin got worse.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, he watched the wrestling team. On Mondays and Wednesdays, he watched the basketball team. He was always in the bleachers drawing or just watching with a serene look on his face. Members of both teams had noticed.

"Someone should teach the little perv a lesson."

Edward was sure his teammates weren't aware he was standing close enough to hear them. The malice in Felix's voice sent chills down his spine, and he could hear the others murmuring their agreement.

"He winked at Alec the other day," Felix continued. Alec was his brother - a Freshman. "Kid's been disturbed about it. That shit isn't right."

Edward wanted to snort. Alec wasn't exactly a tender soul. He didn't know the context of this wink, but he doubted Alec was suffering. It would have been a funny comment if the anger in Felix's tone wasn't so obvious.

"So what do you want to do about it?" Demetri asked.

"I'm with you, man," James inserted. "What're you thinking?"

"I pass the kid every night on the way home from practice. He walks home after he pervs out on us. We can..."

Edward had heard enough. A minute later, Coach Clapp called an end to practice. Edward sprinted to the locker room and changed without bothering to shower. He knew he had to be quick if he was going to catch up with Benjamin. He wasn't sure, but since he was always gone by the time the team trickled out of the locker room, Edward was willing to bet he went home right after practice was over.

He didn't know how serious Felix and his friends were, but he wasn't about to risk it. Part of Edward understood their discomfort, but he thought the other boys were being a bit reactionary. He kept harkening back to his point from a few weeks before: When the girls watched them, no one cared. In fact, some of the boys seemed to show off more if a girl they really liked was there. Personally, Edward was indifferent. If Benjamin was getting some kind of pleasure out of watching wrestling practice, he was being discreet about it - the absolute opposite of the girls, who made it obvious.

Either way, Edward was sure whatever Felix had planned, the unsuspecting boy didn't deserve any lesson they wanted to teach him.

Heading out into the ever-misty, cold fall afternoon, Edward scanned the parking lot. He was relieved when he spotted a figure all the way across the lot, about to head out onto the road on foot.

"Hey, Benjamin!" he shouted as loud as he could, already picking up the pace.

The other boy turned and blinked in his direction, stopping while Edward caught up. "What's up?"

"Um." Edward hadn't thought it out that far. He looked around furtively, relieved when he saw his teammates hadn't made it out of the building yet. "You heading home?"

Benjamin looked perplexed – amused, but perplexed. "I thought I might."

"Well, it looks like rain."

The other boy grinned. "Yeah, I haven't lived here as long as you have, but it seems to do that a lot."

Edward grimaced. He had no idea why he sounded like such an idiot. He didn't usually have trouble articulating, so he didn't understand why he was so flummoxed. "Look, can I give you a ride? It's kind of a long walk, isn't it?"

By Forks standards, Benjamin might as well have been across the country.

"It's not too bad." Benjamin studied him, tilting his head. "Why now?"

Edward shrugged. He didn't have a good answer. He glanced again toward the front of the school. His body was tense, just waiting for Felix or one of the others to appear. He didn't want Benjamin to get hurt, but he also preferred to avoid what his teammates might have to say about him driving away with the other boy.

Benjamin ducked his head, looking suddenly almost shy. "Okay. That would be great."

**_~0~_ **

After Edward began driving Benjamin home every day, they became quick friends. It wasn't long before they were hanging out nearly every day.

For one thing, Benjamin got along great with Edward's mother, Esme. She had a greenhouse in the back Benjamin was absolutely fascinated with. He was good with plants, apparently, and they had completely absurd conversations about soil, and flower roots, and the right bugs to introduce to the controlled environment. For her birthday, Benjamin had gone as far as to buy her butterflies - gorgeous and vibrant – to be released in the enclosed, warm space.

Edward made a face as they sat by the little pond area in the greenhouse. Benjamin was showing off. He'd gotten one of the butterflies to land on him and it was resting, fluttering on his palm. "You're making me look bad," Edward complained. His birthday present to his mother hadn't been nearly as impressive.

Benjamin looked up at him, his dark eyes sparking with mischief as a slow, cocky grin spread across his face. He said nothing, but moved slowly, bringing his free hand up to twine his fingers with Edward's.

"What are you-" Edward began to protest, but Benjamin held fast.

"Hold your hand out," he murmured.

His accent was pleasant, Edward thought not for the first time. He kept his hand held palm up as Benjamin indicated.

With easy movements, Benjamin drew something from his pocket and dabbed a dot or two of something sticky on the heel of Edward's palm. He moved the hand with the butterfly in it up, and again crooked their fingers, forming a bridge. Edward watched, fascinated, as Benjamin gave his hand an encouraging bump and the butterfly, wings fluttering, sought out the new source of nectar. "Be still," Benjamin said, drawing his hands back.

Edward stared down at the butterfly on his hand. He couldn't help the grin that spread across his face. He huffed because he really had no idea why this was so special. It was just a fucking butterfly, but he was hypnotized by the slow beat of its wings, the slight tickle of tiny feet and an even tinier tongue.

"Your parents know how to love."

Edward jolted, not expecting that, and was torn between his shock and the disappointment of losing the butterfly who'd flown up and away at the sharp movement. His head snapped between the insect and Benjamin twice before he sputtered an indignant, "What?!"

Benjamin laughed. "They are..." he searched for the right word, "demonstrative toward each other and your brother and sister. My family is not this way." He looked up at Edward, his smile peaceful. "I like this atmosphere." Though his smile didn't waver, there was a sadness in his eyes that made Edward want to touch him... to comfort him. "Your mother isn't like my mother. My mother loves but she isn't loving. I'm not hers, obviously, but Esme is loving toward me."

"That's Mom," Edward said with a soft snort.

"I just wanted to show my appreciation. I like it here. A lot."

Edward was quiet for a moment, watching as the butterfly flitted about, not knowing where to settle since its human perch hadn't worked out.

"You don't like going home," he realized out loud, not really asking.

Benjamin looked down, and he didn't answer.

"Why don't you like going home?"

The other boy seemed to shrink in front of him, and Edward felt terrible. Through all the teasing, the whispers behind his back, he'd never looked so vulnerable. He breathed in deep before he looked up again, his smile forced now. "I'm fine,  _habeeby_." His voice was shakier than usual. "I've got my Tia, my little dog. That's all I need at home."

There was a want in Edward he didn't know what to do with. The energy in the greenhouse was strange. His heart ached, and he didn't know why. He knew Benjamin was hurting, and he wanted to fix it, but he didn't know how. He wanted to hug the other boy, but all the things everyone said about him flashed through Edward's head, making him confused.

Should it be different? Would it mean something different if Edward were to touch this boy?

"I'm glad you're here," he said instead, because at least that much he knew was true. Benjamin was his friend, and he was glad about that.

That brought the light back to Benjamin's eyes, and his smile brightened.

The phantom ache in Edward's chest loosened, and he smiled back.

**_~0~_ **

It was months into their friendship when Benjamin finally invited Edward over to his house.

"My parents aren't home." Benjamin waggled his eyebrows playfully, reading Edward's nervousness.

Edward made a face at the other boy, but he felt his cheeks heat. He felt a bizarre rush of elation, as if the idea of being alone with Benjamin was exciting. He shook it off as he pulled into the driveway.

"Come on,  _habeeby_ ," Benjamin gestured. When Edward got close enough, he curled his hand around his upper arm, pulling him along. "I want you to meet my Tia."

"What does habeeby mean?" Edward asked as they headed up the walk. Benjamin had been calling him this for a long while now, and he always meant to ask.

Benjamin looked suddenly, inexplicably shy for a fleeting moment before he shrugged nonchalantly. "It's just a word for a friend." He stared down at his feet as he said it, but he looked up as they got to the door. "Come on."

Inside, they were greeted by a sleek, small, very enthusiastic dog. She jumped up, yipping happily at Benjamin's feet. He sunk down on the floor, sitting cross-legged as the dog climbed into his lap, tilting her head up to lick merrily at the underside of his chin.

Edward's chest felt warm as he watched the boy, happy with his dog.

After a minute of this more than a little adorable reunion, Benjamin stood up, bringing the dog with him. "Here, Tia. Look. I've brought you a new friend."

Obliging, Edward held his hand out, and Tia sniffed. When Benjamin put her down, she nipped at Edward's jeans, looking up at him with a doggy grin, tail wagging. Edward bent over to pet her soft, black fur. Almost instantly, she threw herself down onto her back, giving him a belly to scratch.

"Oh, you've made a friend for life," Benjamin laughed.

As Benjamin showed him around, Edward reflected his mother would probably enjoy the decor. It was rich with the Egyptian culture Benjamin came from. As he led Edward through the house, he explained how he'd been born nearby in Portland but had lived most of his life in Egypt. They were back now - wanting to be near family in Olympia.

There was, Edward noticed, a lack of family pictures around. His own home was full of them - embarrassingly full, actually. The only picture Edward saw of Benjamin's family was a wedding photo - a handsome but severe looking man and his diminutive, beautiful bride. Benjamin's parents, obviously, but it was the only picture that hung in the house. Everything else was a painting or a piece of art.

But Edward's meandering thoughts went out the window when they got to Benjamin's room.

It was a large room, half of which was set up like a workshop.

"Are those... like honest to God sculptures?"

Benjamin's expression was shy but pleased. "Stone sculptures, yes." He picked up what looked like a piece of driftwood. "I do a little whittling as well."

Edward's eyes went wide.

More than just a little whittling, Benjamin had carefully carved an intricate cityscape into the wood. "This is amazing."

"I like working with natural things."

"Well, you're good at it." Edward traced his hands first over the fine lines of the wood, feeling how soft it all was - not a splinter in sight. "I wish I had the patience to do something like this."

Benjamin snorted lightly. "Well, I wish I could do what you do."

"What do I do?"

"The wrestling?" Benjamin shook his head. "I'm not good at any sport at all."

"There's nothing to wrestling. Anyone could do it."

"I bet I couldn't."

"Sure you could. It's just a matter of knowing the right moves." He set down Benjamin's driftwood carefully. "Like, for instance, a take-down is easy. You just have to get a good grip." As he spoke, Edward wrapped his fingers around the other boy's upper arm. He trailed off when Benjamin hissed and drew back away from him.

Edward's stomach churned uncomfortably. Looking self-conscious, Benjamin tried to get up, but Edward caught him by the wrist. Slowly, Benjamin sat back down. "I'm fine."

"You've said that before." Edward hadn't believed him then, and he didn't believe him now. He began rolling up Benjamin's sleeves. Sure enough, Benjamin's shoulder was scraped and badly bruised. Edward's throat was tight.

"I'm fine," Benjamin insisted, his tone gentle but firm.

"Who did this?" Edward demanded.

"It wasn't a big deal."

"Who."

"Felix," Benjamin admitted. "Seems he was feeling just a little clumsy, and he might have tripped. He pushed me. We were outside, so I got a little banged up is all."

Edward saw red. His nostrils flared as his breathing picked up.

"It's not a big deal."

"He hurt you."

"He pushed me." Benjamin put his hand over Edward's and looked him in the eye. "I'm not angry. I've met Felix's father."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"His father is demanding and controlling. Felix acting out with me is just displacement."

Edward stared at Benjamin, and then he had to laugh. "You're unbelievable." Feeling a little self-conscious, he pulled his hand away from Benjamin's. They were sitting so close. "I don't know how you do that - explain it all away. People say some pretty shitty things about you, and Felix is the worst of them."

The corner of Benjamin's mouth quirked up. "They're all smoke and fire, just repeating the ignorant things they learn from their parents."

Edward bit the inside of his cheek. "Please, just be careful," he finally said quietly. "Felix and some of the others on the team... they got it into their heads that when you watch us in the afternoons..."

Benjamin tilted his head. "When I watch you what?" He seemed slightly bemused, and for some reason, Edward felt his heart rate stutter.

He shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked away. "They all have big egos," he muttered with a shrug. "They think you're drawing them because you're perving on them." His cheeks felt lava hot.

Beside him, Benjamin huffed. "They think boys rolling around on the floor all tangled up in each other is my thing, hmm?"

He was teasing, and Edward knew it. Still, his face got only hotter. "Egotistical assholes," he said dismissively, trying to laugh. It came out a little strangled.

"Hmm," Benjamin hummed. He shifted on the bed, angling his body toward Edward. "It's true, you know. That I like boys."

Edward looked down at his hands, rubbing a bit of the bedspread between two fingers. "I know that."

"Does it bother you?"

"Why would it bother me?"

"I don't know. It bothers them."

"Well, they're idiots."

Benjamin laughed. "They are idiots. I'm much pickier than all of that." He scooted closer, which was a feat. They were so close, their shoulders and knees were bumping. "But they were right about one thing."

Edward's head felt heavy with his spinning thoughts. Nothing settled. Thinking a million things all at once made it difficult to concentrate. "What's that?" he asked, but he was much more entranced by Benjamin's hand, now resting now on his leg.

"I like sports, but I can't play. That's why I like watching the teams... but... I did watch someone specific."

His voice was low, and when Edward raised his head, his breath caught in his throat. "Jasper, maybe?" His voice was higher pitched than normal. "I know he's very pretty, but I think he has a crush on my sister." He was babbling, but he couldn't seem to stop.

"No," Benjamin said, cupping his cheek with his free hand. "Not Jasper."

Then Benjamin's lips were soft on his.

Every single one of Edward's loud thoughts quieted in an instant, shocked into silence.

For a minute, it was wonderful. Blissful even. Perfect.

But then the voices of his teammates, his friends, filtered into Edward's head.

Disgusting. Gross.

_Someone should teach the little perv a lesson._

With a startled cry, Edward shoved Benjamin away. He stood quickly, breathing hard, reeling. "Don't... That's..." He gulped, shaking his head. "Don't do that."

Benjamin remained still on the bed. "I'm sorry." His eyes were wide, and for the first time, Edward saw real shame in them. "I'm really sorry."

What he wanted most was to tell Benjamin he didn't need to be sorry. Actually, what he wanted very most was to return to the other boy's side because he'd liked that kiss. He'd really liked it, and he didn't know what that meant. He didn't want it to mean he was suddenly so scared, but he was.

He really was.

"I'm sorry," Benjamin said again.

"I'm going to go," Edward said.

And he fled.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So this will be fairly short. No more than five chapters. I know I always say that, but I think I mean it this time. Rawr.
> 
> Thanks so much to Barburella and to harrytwifan for stepping in as beta!
> 
> Thoughts? Fears?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello from Seattle! *holds your hands*

Edward spent the rest of the night pacing his room, too worked up to calm down, but too tongue tied to talk to anyone about it. His parents were worried - he knew that much. What kind of teenage boy turned down dinner if something wasn't profoundly wrong?

But what could he tell them?

His parents had raised him to be open minded, accepting, and compassionate. More than just following his parents' teaching, he'd reasoned through the whole thought process himself - both before and after he knew Benjamin - and come to the same conclusion every time. He could find no logical reason why the anatomy of a person should limit whom that person was supposed to be attracted to.

Logically, it shouldn't matter.

And really, it didn't matter. He believed so much it didn't matter, he went as far as to call out others who thought it did. It was something he wished he didn't have to be proud of - that it wouldn't even occur to him to think there should be some kind of problem with women liking women or men liking men.

How different it was in the eye of the storm.

As difficult and nerve wracking as it could be standing up to those who were being hateful and bigoted to someone else, the idea of that inane hatred and ill-will being aimed at him was daunting to say the least. Some of these boys he'd known all his life. Would they rip him apart as easily as they did Benjamin if they knew he'd kissed a boy?

And he liked it.

That was probably what he should have been concentrating on - that someone had kissed him and it was so sweet, so good. But those wonderful, warm thoughts were chased away when he remembered the bruises and scrapes on Benjamin's arms. He could bet it wasn't the first time Benjamin had been jostled in the halls.

Benjamin had only innocently watched from the bleachers. What would those boys say if they thought Edward liked boys? Edward who had his arms and legs locked around them. Edward who had been to their houses and seen them naked in the locker room. It meant nothing; Edward had never had a single perverted thought about one of his teammates. Even if he had, how could anyone be so offended at thoughts - intangible bits of time and vague ideas that were no threat to them?

Hate was an intangible substance though, and it could hurt. How often had he stood in awe of Benjamin, who not only withstood the vile words being hurtled at him but smiled and gently excused them? For a person who had every reason to harbor ill-will toward those who were acting out against him, Benjamin had no hate in his heart.

Edward sat down on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands.

He was a coward. Benjamin was so brave. He wasn't ashamed, and he wasn't scared. The last few months replayed in Edward's head. Benjamin's smile, his voice as they talked and laughed together, his sharp wit, his incredible talent.

Without a doubt, Benjamin was a complex, beautiful person. Edward was endlessly fascinated, and really, when he pushed down his fear and confusion, the idea Benjamin wanted to kiss him -  _him_  - made his heartbeat quicken and a giddy rush of pure electricity shoot straight through him.

It should be simple. It should be so simple. It should be as simple as the fact it made him happy, and yes, he wanted to kiss Benjamin again. He wanted to touch him. He wanted to hold his hand in the hall because he wanted to be so proud that a boy like Benjamin had chosen him.

His head spun.

Edward knew something was going on at home for Benjamin. He had the sudden, horrifying thought that maybe his parents disapproved. He knew all the stories - the parents who'd beaten their children, disowned them, tossed them out of the streets all because of whom they were attracted to.

Esme and Carlisle Cullen were kind, open-minded, big-hearted people, but would it be different if it was their kid?

The idea that a parent's love could be lost over such a simple concept was more terrifying than anything else.

Edward wrapped his arms around his shoulders, rocking slightly.

Until that moment, he never would have thought of himself as a coward. What other title could he give himself under the circumstances? In the solitude of his room, he could admit to himself he had a crush on Benjamin. The other boy had already made the first move; all Edward had to do was give in. Yet here he was, scared out of his mind and so very turned around.

Edward lay down, pulling his comforter over him without getting under the covers. It was all he could do to breathe - just breathe though he felt so breathless, like he was being held underwater. Eventually, the myriad of loud thoughts in his head quieted, and he fell asleep.

**_~0~_ **

The rest of the week was hard.

Edward only caught glimpses of Benjamin. The other boy was going out of his way not to run into him. He would start down a hall only to backtrack. Every day after school, he went straight home.

That made Edward's stomach twist in particular. Benjamin hated going home, but it was preferable to seeing him now, he supposed.

"Hey, the pervert isn't here again today," he heard James tell Felix.

"Good. Fucking creepy faggot."

Edward bristled. That word and the way Felix spat it made him feel sick to his stomach and angry - so angry.

"Makes you wonder though. If he's not perving on us, who is he perving on?"

Edward started when Coach Clapp called his name, waving him onto the mat. He tried to put James and Felix's words out of his head, but after practice, Felix approached him.

"Hey, Cullen. Aren't you friends with that Touma kid?"

He stiffened, his throat dry. He had to swallow before he turned to his teammate. "You mean Benjamin?" he asked calmly.

"Yeah. I heard you drive off with him sometimes."

Edward's entire body was tense, and he really didn't know why. He knew he wasn't remotely comfortable with these questions, especially not coming from Felix. "I give him a ride home sometimes," he said carefully.

Felix hummed. "Well you seeing him today?"

"Why?"

The way Felix smiled made Edward feel sick. There was such malice in his eyes. "I just want to talk to him, that's all."

"He's not here today. He already went home," Edward said quickly.

Again, Felix hummed nonchalantly. "Guess I'll catch up with him later."

When Felix walked away, Edward felt dizzy. He gulped in a few breaths. His nerves were raw, his every muscle coiled and on alert.

Felix and his teammates could be assholes. Most people could be assholes when they wanted to be, but they were good kids, weren't they? It was entirely possible Edward was overreacting, hypersensitive as he was these days about people's perceptions.

But then he remembered the bruises again.

Still, that was just a shove, wasn't it? Not that it was excusable, but a shove was nothing. Right? It wasn't as though Felix really tried to hurt him.

All the next day, whenever he knew Felix and Benjamin were in the same place, Edward was wary, watching, wishing he could go to Benjamin and warn him.

But warn him of what?

The anxiety that had been building in his stomach since Benjamin had kissed him was getting to be too much. He hardly ate or slept. He was constantly on alert, as though his classmates could read his thoughts, could know what had happened between him and Benjamin.

It was maddening and tiring. He was just so tired.

That Friday night, as he stared up at his ceiling in the darkness, Edward once again tried to make sense of his warring thoughts.

He missed Benjamin. A lot. How many times had he found himself, phone in hand, staring at a blank text message screen with too much he wanted to say?

It was maddening, especially because he knew he was being an idiot.

The next day, Saturday, there was an event at the school - kind of a flea market going on in the cafeteria. Edward had promised to help run the wrestling team's booth. The season was starting up officially soon, and they would need money to get to meets.

For the millionth time, Edward replayed the look in Benjamin's eyes after he'd pushed him away. Shame. All the things idiots like Felix flung at him, and Benjamin had never looked ashamed until Edward rebuffed him.

Finally, five days too late, Edward found resolve.

The next day, if Benjamin was at school, Edward promised himself they would talk. The very least he could do was apologize for being so cowardly about the whole thing, he couldn't even speak. That was truly pathetic.

And if he wasn't at school, nothing changed. He would call him after the thing was over.

Edward was at once relieved and out of his head nervous about the idea, but his mind was made up.

He slept easier that night.

**_~0~_ **

All morning long, Edward was on tenterhooks. He was distracted even as he manned the wrestling team's booth. He was constantly scanning the crowd for Benjamin, listening to hear his laugh or his voice.

It was almost noon before he heard Benjamin's name. At least he thought he had. He looked over to the side where James, Felix, and Demetri were talking with one of the guys from the basketball team - Paul. Their heads were bent together as they whispered about something. Edward tried to listen, but he couldn't make out anything distinct.

A cold stone - maybe the size of a pebble - settled itself in the pit of his stomach, but Mrs. Cope caught his attention then. For minutes that turned into nearly an hour, he was distracted by people coming up to him. He was so busy, it took him too long to figure out all of his teammates except Jasper had wandered off.

"Hey, Edward." Ben Cheney stepped up to the booth.

Edward smiled at the Junior. He and his girlfriend, Angela, were friends with Benjamin. They sat together at lunch. "What's up, Ben?"

"Have you seen Benjamin? He was supposed to meet me half an hour ago, but I can't find him."

The pebble in Edward's gut grew about ten sizes in an instant. "I didn't know he was here."

"Well, he wasn't. He was coming by to meet me because we're supposed to go to Port Angeles," Ben explained. "If I can't find him in the next fifteen minutes, we'll never get there in time for the show, though."

"I'll send him your way if I see him," Edward promised.

Ben nodded and headed off.

For a full minute, Edward stood still. There was bile in his throat. His pulse was thready.

Something was wrong.

He kept trying to push his sudden paranoia and panic down, but it wouldn't be ignored. Benjamin was missing. His teammates were nowhere to be seen.

Something was very, very wrong.

"Hey, man," Jasper called when Edward began to walk away. "Where are you going?"

Edward shook his head because he couldn't even begin to answer that question. He kept moving, though he did stop when he saw his sister. "Alice, can you help Jasper at the booth for a few minutes?"

She was about to argue, but one look at his face and she just nodded. Edward was grateful. Alice always seemed to know what he really needed.

Right then, he needed to find Benjamin. It was the only clear thought in his head. He was walking quickly as he headed out into the hallway, and there he paused.

Where the hell did he think he was going?

The hallway on this side of the school was a lot quieter. No one was around. It was just a short ways away from the empty gym. Edward wandered there, half expecting to see Benjamin in the stands even though there was nothing to watch. He wasn't there of course, and Edward paused, trying to bite back his rising apprehension long enough to try to figure out his next step.

Then he swore he heard a scream. It was short and muffled - far away.

Stark fear trailed like ice water down his back, but he was already running, sprinting full tilt toward the locker rooms.

His instincts proved correct. As he went in the door and around the corner, by far the most horrific scene of his life played out in front of him.

He'd found Benjamin. With five other boys - Felix, James, and Demetri from the wrestling team, and Paul Wolfe and Riley Biers of the basketball team. They had him held face down on the bench. Riley was straddling his back, his hand clamped over his mouth. The others had his arms. Demetri was watching, and Felix...

Felix was dragging his pants down.

Edward could hardly hear for the roar of fury in his ears, but they were taunting him.

"This what you want, pervert?" Felix was saying. Benjamin was obviously struggling, his shouts muffled against Riley's hand. When he turned his head slightly, Edward could see he was bruised and bloody. They'd already beaten him and now...

Felix's hands were between his legs. Rough. "Don't pretend you don't love it, faggot. You know you love it."

The others were taunting. Jeering. Laughing. James had a bloody lip. Riley had scratches on his cheek. It looked like Benjamin had gotten a few good hits in, but there were five of them and only one of him.

Edward rushed forward with a hollar that was more animal than man. He barrelled into Felix, catching the bigger boy off guard. They tumbled to the floor. Edward rolled, getting to his feet quickly and going at Riley next. As he shoved him, Paul and James let go of Benjamin's arms, stumbling backward in surprise at being interrupted.

Benjamin was up in a heartbeat, and Edward could see then his face was badly bloodied. He looked equal parts pissed as hell and scared out of his mind as he scrambled a few paces back, almost tripping over his pants. His shirt was ripped, and Edward could see spots of blood on his undershirt.

Feeling utterly feral, he put himself between Benjamin and the other boys as they rallied. Felix looked lethal as he climbed to his feet. He took a step forward.

"Back the fuck off," Edward growled. "You fucking asshole."

"Stay out of this, Cullen," Felix snarled back. "He's got it coming to him."

"No, man," James stepped up. "Come on, Edward. You know he likes it. You can help. You love it," he said, taking a step toward Benjamin, "don't you, ya fairy."

Edward stepped to the side, blocking James's forward motion. "Get the fuck away from us."

"Us?" Demetri repeated.

His teammates exchanged a glance while Paul and Riley snickered. "I told you," said Paul. "I told you Cullen was just like him. I bet he takes your pictures while you're changing." Paul's features twisted, and he shoved Edward hard. "Your boyfriend suck you off when you get the good pics, faggot?"

Edward's fury was beginning to ebb, fear creeping in around the edges. Still he shoved Paul right back. "Don't fucking touch me."

"Show 'em, Cullen," Felix said. "See, this fucking pervert's been spreading nasty lies about you and him. We'll hold him down for you, and you show him how you feel about that." He made a grab for Benjamin, but Edward flew forward, again shoving him back.

"Are you fucking stupid?" he growled at Felix, dropping instinctively into a stance he usually used on the mat. He was desperately afraid. The others were closing in. The room felt claustrophobic, but he had nowhere to go.

"Edward..." Benjamin's voice was small. He was obviously in pain.

Taking a deep breath, Edward looked Felix right in the eye. "You want to kick his ass, you're going to have to kick mine first. You don't get to hurt my boyfriend."

Felix's eyes went wide before they narrowed. His eyes glinted with malevolence before he lunged forward, intent on taking Edward up on his offer.

**_~0~_ **

Edward wasn't entirely sure he was conscious.

The pain was a good indicator, but it was a consuming kind of pain, overruling his ability to reason. It was a pain that blinded him to every other sense he had. Incredible pain in every variation - aches all over his body; unforgiving, sharp, stabbing pain in his belly; a crushing pain in his chest; raw pain where his skin was broken. He didn't know if he was conscious because there was no coherency to his thoughts, nothing tangible to tie him down to the real world.

He heard voices. Frantic voices. A lot of them.

"Jesus Christ. Call an ambulance."

"Oh, God."

"Who did this? Did you see-"

" _Habeeby?_ Can you hear me? Please open your eyes. Please. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

He tried to remember how to speak.

"Hang in there, Edward. Help will be here soon. I know it hurts, son."

"Let me through!" His mother. He heard his mother scream his name.

"Everyone move back. Get out of here. Give him some room to breathe, for god's sake."

Breathing was hard. It was getting harder. Edward's stomach was roiling, but he didn't think he even had the strength to throw up. "Mom," he tried to say. He couldn't get his mouth to work right.

"I'm right here, baby boy." She was crying. He could hear it in her voice.

The noise all around him, his mother's words, Benjamin's, all warped. All the shouting in the background faded, and Edward slipped into the merciful arms of unconsciousness.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So many thanks to jessypt for all the things, and for making me grin like crazy in my docs. Thank you to barburella.
> 
> Okay, kids. How we doing. Do we need hugs? *hugs*


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Posting this fro SEATAC on my way home from a trip to Forks. Sorry about that, lovelies. I intended to post last night but the lodge we were staying at had NO INTERNET SERVICE and NO PHONES. I died.
> 
> It was really pretty though.

Edward faded in and out. His head was a haze of pain and confusion. Only occasionally coherent voices would come through. Shouted words and orders. Scary words - blunt trauma, broken bones, possible collapsed lung, possible internal trauma - made him feel afraid, but he also heard his mother's voice soothing him.

He felt movement here and there. He came to in the ambulance and again at the hospital.

"Edward! Let me go. That's my boy!"

"Dr. Cullen. You have to stay back. You have to let us help him."

"Carlisle. My God, Carlisle."

With everything in him, Edward wanted to cry out for his parents. He needed them. He was so scared, and he just needed them. He whimpered once before unconsciousness claimed him again.

**_~0~_ **

For a long while, Edward drifted. He was finally free of the pain, but he was also free of his body. It was unlike anything he'd ever experienced before. He was weightless. Careless. Free of thought, and free of any physical tether.

Moving images played out before him, but Edward didn't know if he understood what he was seeing. It simply was.

His parents were in the waiting room, their arms wrapped around each other and their heads bent together. Beside them, Bella Swan - Edward's best friend - had his sister wrapped up in her arms. They were both crying, too. Charlie Swan, Bella's father and the chief-of-police, was speaking quietly to his parents.

"-wanted to stop by to tell you. The boys who did this are all in custody."

"I don't understand," Esme said tearfully. "Why? Why would anyone do this, let alone his teammates?"

"We just don't know right now. I'm so sorry. I promise we'll find out." Charlie paused. "Is there any word?"

"He's still in surgery." Carlisle's normally gentle voice was hard, angry. "They ruptured his spleen, and there's swelling to his, to his..." His father's voice cracked, and he bowed his head.

Charlie looked to Bella before he looked down at the ground. "I can't imagine. I can't even imagine."

Time passed, and Benjamin shuffled into the scene. His whole posture was stooped, and he moved as though every step was painful. His bloodied face had been cleaned up. There was a gash above his eyebrow that had been stitched and another on his cheek that had been bandaged.

"Esme. Carlisle," he said softly, catching their attention. Edward's parents looked up. "I came to say..." He swallowed hard. "I had to tell you..." Benjamin's face crumpled. He fell to his knees in front of them, breaking down. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry. This is my fault. This is all my fault."

Carlisle and Esme were quickly down on their knees on either side of the boy, their arms around him, taking him into their fold as Alice and Bella hovered close by.

They comforted each other, and Edward faded.

**_~0~_ **

When he woke again, the pain was back.

Disoriented, it took Edward quite a while to separate the noises all around him. There was the steady beep, beep, beep of machinery. He heard the noise of a busy place - people hustling about, wheels on the floor, the squeak of shoes on linoleum.

And arguing. Someone was very angry.

"You should not be here, Benjamin. Haven't you done enough to this family?" A rough voice was hissing in muted tones. "You leave them be and come home with me."

"I won't," Benjamin argued. "I have to see him open his eyes."

The man responded in a language it took Edward a few muddled seconds to realize wasn't English. Arabic. Obviously. He struggled to find full consciousness because it didn't sound pleasant, whatever Amun was saying to his son.

"Excuse me." Carlisle's voice was sharp as he interrupted them, and Edward heard his footsteps as he came into the room. "What's going on here?"

"Dr. Cullen. Please let me express my apologies for my son."

"Your son has absolutely nothing to apologize for."

Edward swallowed. His mouth was so dry.

" _Habeeby?_  Are you awake?"

"Edward?" His father's voice had lost the sharp edge. "Son?"

Things got very noisy then. There was a rush of doctors. His mother and father were there, so were Emmett and Alice. They were crying. All of them. Even Emmett. But Edward was woozy. He managed to answer a few of the doctor's questions and get some answers of his own.

He was in a hospital in Seattle. Forks's tiny hospital just didn't have the ability to care for him.

He'd been sleeping for almost a week.

It was a daunting thing to wake up to, and Edward only had enough energy to keep his eyes open for a few minutes.

"Dad," he said urgently, feeling sleep encroaching on him again.

"Yes?"

"Don't let Benjamin's dad take him. Please." His words were mumbled, jumbled. He was so tired, but this was too important. As it was, it scared the hell out of him what might have happened while he was sleeping.

"Benjamin knows he's welcome here," Carlisle assured, squeezing his hand. "Please don't worry, Edward."

Edward's head spun. Some part of him knew that by now, his family had to know exactly why he'd been beaten within an inch of his life.

What did they think of him?

But it was just one of a million things he didn't have the energy to deal with. He let sleep take him.

**_~0~_ **

When he woke, the room was dark and relatively quiet. He blinked, once again trying to orient himself in space and time.

Seattle. Hospital.

There was another bed in the room, and it took Edward a few seconds to realize his parents were curled together on the small space, asleep.

He felt a lot more coherent than when he'd awaken previously. His thoughts were still spinning, but they were more concrete now.

His throat felt thick. It was hard to swallow or even breathe. His family knew things about him he wasn't sure he was ready to face.

Actually, the whole school - all his friends, his teammates - knew things about him now.

His vision blurred with tears, and once again he felt like a coward.

Five of the boys he'd known all his life had found out about him, and he'd been in coma for a week because of it. He'd had to have surgery to repair some of the internal damage their beating had wrought.

What would happen now that the whole school - the whole town knew?

"Edward?" His mother's voice was scratchy with sleep, but she and Carlisle were out of bed and over to his side in a heartbeat. "What is it?"

"Are you in pain?" Carlisle asked, checking him over somewhat frantically.

He was, but that was entirely beside the point. He just shook his head, and reached for their hands.

"It's okay, sweetheart," his mother crooned. "Everything is going to be just fine now."

When he'd calmed a bit, he looked away from his parents, embarrassed and more ashamed than he knew how to deal with.

"Are you..." He took a deep, shuddering breath. "Are you disappointed in me?" he asked in a whisper.

"What on Earth would we be disappointed about?" Carlisle asked, sounding breathless and incredulous.

Edward didn't answer. He couldn't.

His mother's hand was soft on his cheek, making him jolt a little. "Edward, we have never been more proud of you."

Edward swallowed hard, his eyes welling with tears again. He still couldn't look at them.

"Benjamin told us what happened. He told us how you stopped those boys from hurting him." Carlisle sounded proud, but Edward still wasn't sure he could believe what he was hearing. He felt stupid about taking on five boys. Felix alone was so far out of his weight class.

"Edward," his mother called his name softly. "Benjamin... He's such a lovely young man." She paused. "I think he's a great match for you."

That did it. The tears in his eyes brimmed over, and Edward sobbed. Ignoring the pain, he turned toward his parents, letting them hold and comfort him.

**_~0~_ **

Emmett said: "Dude, I could have told you you liked guys. I mean, remember the Olympics last year? Who else watches all the swimming events? Guys in speedos. Hot, right?"

Alice said: "So this means your sense of fashion will improve, right?"

She was teasing, smiling.

Bella said: "No, this works. Now people will finally believe me when I tell them you're my platonic soul mate. Plus Benjamin totally gets the BFF stamp of approval. Two very enthusiastic thumbs up."

Edward knew that the madness happening outside his hospital room - back in Forks - would have be dealt with, but right then, they were the only people in his world whose opinions mattered.

Well. Them and of course, Benjamin.

The other boy kept his distance, giving him space with his family and the doctors. Edward was slightly irritated as it felt more than a little crappy. His family was assuming he and Benjamin were together, but he hadn't ever asked the other boy if that was what he wanted.

It all made him anxious. He was still more than a little scared, though his family and Bella's easy acceptance did a lot to soothe his nerves.

Finally, after Edward told them repeatedly it was alright, Esme and Carlisle took everyone else out to eat, leaving the room empty and Benjamin out in the hall.

The other boy poked his head around the corner slowly, not unlike an unsure kitten, looking to make sure the coast was clear.

"Hey," he said quietly.

Edward's eyes swept over him - the stitches, the cuts, the bruises on his cheek that had faded into ugly green and yellow colors. "Hi," he answered.

Benjamin shuffled forward a few steps, rubbing his hands on his pants.

"Please come here," Edward said to his blankets. It was a plea, not a command.

Benjamin crossed the room and sat in the chair beside his bed.

They were both silent for a long while, neither of them looking at each other. The air between them was tense. Edward tried to find the right words and failed.

"I'm sorry," they both blurted suddenly.

Edward huffed. "What the hell do you have to be sorry for?"

He got a sudden mental image of Benjamin on his knees in front of his parents, sobbing miserably and saying he was sorry over and over. He shook it away, not knowing where it came from.

"I..." Benjamin stumbled. "You told me to be careful about them."

"Benjamin, are you okay?"

Benjamin raised his head, his eyes wide. "What?"

"I don't know... I don't know what they did to you before I got there." He felt a rush of anger and his stomach tightened into a knot, remembering the sight he'd walked in on.

The color drained from Benjamin's face and he dropped his gaze to his lap again. "Oh," he said quietly. He huffed. "How can you ask me that when you're here like this? Look at you! You're a mess,  _habeeby._ You shouldn't be concerned for me."

"Well, I am. Deal with it."

Benjamin's features twisted, and his breath was slightly labored as he visibly tried to calm. "They pushed me around." He breathed in, out. "They threatened... They were..." He swallowed sporadically and shook his head. "It doesn't matter. You stopped them. You saved me."

Edward's throat was tight, but he reached his hand out, his palm up. Benjamin seemed surprised, but he squeezed Edward's fingers with his own.

"I'm sorry I ran from you that day. I didn't... I just freaked out."

"I understand," Benjamin said softly.

"You shouldn't." Edward was still disgusted with himself. "You're braver than I am."

Benjamin huffed. "And look what it got us."

Edward shook his head. "Don't let them take that from you." He swallowed hard. His heart was thudding painfully hard against his bruised ribs. He tugged on Benjamin's hand. "What do you want from me?"

Benjamin was staring down at their joined hands, rubbing the spot where the IV disappeared into Edward's skin. It took him a long time to answer. "What you called me in front of those boys. I want that to be true," he finally admitted in a whisper.

Despite his sore body, Edward suddenly felt like he could fly. "I was going to tell you," he said. These words were still so hard. Nerve wracking.

"What?"

"I meant what I said."

Benjamin finally looked up, a spark of pure joy sparking in his dark eyes. "Really? Even now?"

"Especially now."

The other boy's eyes filled with tears, one of them brimming over and falling from the corner of his eye. He wiped it away quickly. "That's, uh... That's good. That's so good,  _habeeby."_

Edward loosed his hand from the other boy's, tentatively moving to brush his fingers down his cheek over the healing cut. "Benjamin?"

"Yes?"

He traced his fingertips over Benjamin's lips, his eyes lingering there. "What does  _habeeby_ mean? It doesn't really mean friend, does it?"

The other boy paused, his cheeks flushing dark, but a smile tugged at his lips. "No, it doesn't."

"What does it mean?" Edward prompted again, easing his body closer.

Whether subconsciously or not, Benjamin was tilting closer to Edward as they spoke. "It means my love." His voice was so soft. Tender.

Edward grinned. It hurt his bruised cheek, but he grinned anyway.

He tugged Benjamin's hand, and the other boy followed his silent direction, cocking his head. Their lips brushed once, twice, and then they lingered.

Despite where he was, how much pain he'd already suffered, if anyone had asked Edward in that moment, he would have responded resolutely.

It was all worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks to jessypt and barburella. My docs were amazing.
> 
> Still plenty of challenges up ahead, but how are we feeling now?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: *hugs all around*

Charlie Swan visited him the twenty-sixth hour after Edward woke up. It was as much time as he could give him before he had to move forward for the sake of the case.

Carlisle and Esme stayed with him. Benjamin, Emmett, Alice, and Bella were right outside.

He was surrounded by people who cared about him. He knew Charlie liked him and would ultimately protect him. Still, Edward felt intensely vulnerable in his hospital bed, crippled and mostly helpless as he was for the time being. He clung to his mother's fingers like a five-year-old; his father's hand on his shoulder was a further comfort.

"Just take your time, Edward," Charlie said, his usual gruff manner gentled.

He explained the minor differences between Edward pressing charges and the charges that were being levied automatically by the state.

It should have been a no-brainer, but Edward found himself uncertain. There was a huge part of him that was sure he had to be missing something. There had to be some reason his teammates - his friends - had hurt him this way.

"Did Benjamin press charges?" he asked, looking up tentatively.

Charlie's mustache twitched. Edward's father cleared his throat, and his mother shifted, squeezing his hand.

"Benjamin is still a minor. His parents have chosen not to pursue criminal charges at this time."

Edward clenched his free hand into a fist.

"But that doesn't really matter right now," Charlie said quickly. "The state is pressing charges any way you look at it. It strengthens our case if the victims-" Edward winced at the word but didn't - couldn't - argue. "-press charges on their own, but as it stands, he has been asked to cooperate with the investigation."

Edward breathed in and out through his nose. His head was spinning, vacillating between pure anger at Benjamin's parents and trepidation over whether or not he wanted to press charges against his teammates. His friends.

His memories conjured up that terrible vision he would never forget: Benjamin, already bloodied up, held down by three boys, two of them quite a bit larger than he was, while Felix sexually assaulted him and Demetri watched.

Those things had happened. There was no use denying it.

"I'll press charges," he finally said.

Charlie nodded and began to ask him questions.

Edward haltingly began to tell his story. He realized far too late that he should have told someone about Felix, Demetri, and James's cruel words and intentions. Obviously he'd taken it seriously enough that he'd gone out of his way to protect Benjamin by offering him a ride every day. He'd warned the other boy, and he'd seen the bruises on his arm from Felix's initial reaction.

When he realized he could have stopped this, Edward put his hands over his face, hanging his head in shame. His eyes stung with tears.

Carlisle bent his head close Edward's, rubbing his back while Esme patted his hand. "It's easy to see the right path when you look backward," his father said, low and close to his ear. "This isn't your fault, Edward."

It took a moment for him to calm again, but he nodded at Charlie, indicating he was ready for the next question.

At the Chief's urging, he described the day of the incident: the far off scream he'd heard when he looked around the gym, what he walked in on, the how he repeatedly warned the other boys to stay away, and how they didn't.

"They attacked you when you indicated Benjamin was your boyfriend."

Edward hated the tears that coursed - silent and slow - down his cheek. "Yes," he whispered.

They'd called him horrible names as they'd converged on him. Edward flinched as he remembered.

" _Faggot._ "

" _Fudge packer._ "

" _Fairy_."

As they pushed him between them, driving their fists over and over into his body.

" _Get up, Mary_ ," Paul had hissed in his ear, bending over him where he was curled on the ground.

" _This is what you get_ ," Demetri said.

" _This is what you deserve_ ," Felix snarled.

Edward's body went limp before he lost consciousness.

" _I ran when they were distracted by you_." Benjamin had told him. " _It took me forever to find someone who could help. They wouldn't listen, or I guess I wasn't making sense. I was all bloody. They thought I needed help._ "

By the end of his statement, Esme was crying, and Edward could tell Carlisle was trying hard not to cry. Charlie's jaw was tense.

For himself, Edward couldn't help but feel ashamed. It was so hard describing what was done to him. He felt stupid and small.

Charlie cleared his throat. "Felix and Demetri met bail, but the others haven't," he explained. "Due to the nature of this assault, we're looking to label the assault as a hate crime."

Edward stared down at his blankets feeling nauseated and sick with guilt.

Regardless of what they'd done to him, he knew those boys. He knew their dreams, where they hoped to go to college, what they hoped to do with their lives. Again he wondered at how different things would be if he had kept his wits about him. Benjamin had gotten away from them; could Edward have just grabbed him and run?

But again, he remembered what they had done and what they had tried to do to Benjamin before he got there. No. Friends or not, if he'd found Benjamin after the assault, he would have wanted justice for him.

He did want justice.

Of course, justice was an easy concept in theory. In practice, the cost of getting what he wanted was remarkably high.

Not including involved family and friends, seven lives were profoundly altered.

"I'll be in touch," Charlie said. He hesitated a moment, but then he put his hand on Edward's shoulder lightly. "You did the right thing."

Edward's nod was barely perceptible.

Carlisle got up, talking quietly with Charlie just outside the door while Esme carefully ran her fingers through Edward's hair, comforting him wordlessly.

His scalp ached, he thought numbly. His mother was exceedingly gentle, but Edward had suffered quite a bit of head trauma. His hair was shaved away in some places exposing gashes from the other kids' heavy boots and the side of the locker he'd been hurtled into. That was what had caused the swelling around his brain, rendering him comatose for almost a week. That was why the doctors had explained he would have to undergo rigorous testing because it was difficult to tell what misfiring synapses in his head would have cost him.

He thought of the word hate, and all the names he knew, the people whose stories he'd heard. Sad stories. People shot to death, beaten to death, dragged to death, because of the color of their skin or the gender they were attracted to.

He thought about how easily he could have been added to that long list of names.

His lips crumpled and tears welled. He was so sick of crying. He was so sick of being scared and overwhelmed, but he had no idea how he was supposed to cope with this. It was beyond his comprehension how anyone could hate him so much that they so easily could have killed him.

"Shhh," his mother hushed him, cupping his cheek and guiding his head to her shoulder. "You're going to be okay. We're right here, and you're going to be okay."

**_~0~_ **

"Come on,  _habeeby._ Don't be a lazy ass. If you stop, it will be harder to start again."

Edward knew getting up and moving was part of his recovery, but it wasn't easy. His body was uncooperative and lethargic - weak both from inactivity and because of the damage from the beating he'd taken. What he was used to was being a healthy eighteen-year-old boy. He was used to being quick and agile. He was a wrestler, for fuck's sake.

So the fact that walking down the hospital hallway and back to his room had him utterly exhausted and wracked with pain made him moody to say the least.

"Fuck you," he hissed under his breath at Benjamin, pausing anyway.

Benjamin only chuckled at his ill temper and tightened his arm around his waist. "Come on," he encouraged. "Don't stop now, or I'm going to steal all the clothes I brought you from home. I mean, if I have to listen to you bitch, the least you can do is put on one of those gowns with your fabulous ass hanging out - give me something to watch while you hobble down the hall."

Edward laughed in spite of himself, leaning heavily both on his IV pole and Benjamin. His mirth was fleeting, and his smile quickly fell. He panted, frustrated and tired.

"Just a little bit more,  _ya gameel_." Benjamin's voice was tender, his head turned to the side so his lips were against Edward's cheek. "You're doing so well."

Closing his eyes briefly, Edward summoned his will to keep one foot moving in front of another. "What does  _gameel_ mean?" he asked through gritted teeth, trying to distract himself.

"It means you're nice to look at," Benjamin said teasingly.

Edward chuffed. He'd seen his reflection. He knew he was a good looking guy, but that descriptor was out for the time being. His hair was a mess of patches, its usual vibrant coloring dull and lifeless. Most of the bruises has faded, but not all of the scrapes had.

They shuffled through the door to his room, and Benjamin helped him settle down in a chair. He knelt carefully at his feet, his hands on Edward's knees, looking up. "You are beautiful," he murmured sincerely, reaching up to run his fingers along Edward's cheek. His eyes glinted with mischief. "Your pretty face will heal. That's the only thing that matters. I can't have an ugly boyfriend, after all."

Again, Edward had to laugh. It hurt his chest - his ribs were mending and the doctors had only removed the shunt from his collapsed lung the day before - but it felt good to laugh. He brushed his fingers through Benjamin's hair before he dropped his hand, twining their fingers together. "Come here," he requested quietly.

Benjamin pushed to his feet, balancing himself carefully on the arm of the chair as he put an arm around Edward. He leaned down as Edward tilted his head up, and they shared soft, slow kiss.

Resting his forehead against Edward's, Benjamin stroked his cheek. "Do you know... I read somewhere that making out is a natural painkiller."

"Is it?"

"Mmm hmm." His fingers were so gentle, tracing along Edward's jaw. "I think we should try it."

A pleasant haze had settled over Edward's thoughts. He felt dizzy, but for once, it wasn't in that sickening kind of way. "If that's what you think is best," he said with a sigh.

Benjamin kissed him again, taking his time. His tongue pressed gently, and Edward let his mouth open. His eyes were closed, and he gave himself over to the heady emotion that quickly took him. The pain was still there, but Benjamin was right - it helped. A giddy feeling bubbled up in him, spreading into his blood with every beat of his heart. It was healing. Benjamin's soft kisses and tender touches chased away the frustration and pain, leaving Edward feeling bathed in warmth.

Like a hot bath for an aching body.

For minutes, wrapped in Benjamin's arms, he felt whole again.

**_~0~_ **

Edward knew his and Benjamin's story had made the news far outside of Forks. Though it had been reported, it hadn't caught on nationally, but it was something of a hot topic in the state. As a result, Edward's hospital room was constantly filled with flowers, gifts, and encouraging cards.

So much love, he thought, feeling teary for entirely different reasons. So much love to combat all the hate.

"People are basically good," his mother said.

"Good people have good taste in gift baskets," Emmett quipped. He was enjoying the edible treats more than Edward was at that point.

It made it easier for Edward to believe that the world wasn't against him.

Very soon after Edward had woken up, he'd been visited by a counselor employed by the hospital, a young, pretty woman who'd introduced herself as Zafrina.

"I'm not telling you that they're right," she said up front when they talked about his fears of going back home. "I want to paint a picture for you about the mentality of people.

"Each person creates their own reality of the world. You've seen  _Star Wars_ , right?"

Edward nodded, wondering where the hell she was going with this.

"There's a line in  _Return of the Jedi_  I love. 'Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view.' This is very accurate. The world doesn't exist in simple black and white; that would be too easy. In reality, the color of the world is subjective. We all look at the world with glasses shaded and pockmarked by our own personal experience, so while you and I might be looking at the same thing, we will see things different.

"When you challenge the color of someone's world, the truth they cling to, people react in a variety of different ways. One of these is anger. Anger is a natural response to fear. You are changing the rules on them, telling them red is actually blue. Lashing out is a regrettable but understandable response."

Edward looked down, his throat tight with confusion, fear, and yes, anger.

Zafrina called his name gently to get his attention. "Let me be clear. What happened to you was not. Your. Fault. Angry or not, scared or not, those boys had absolutely no right to lash out the way they did. Even when our world is challenged, we have a choice in how we react, and they chose wrong.

"What I'm trying to explain is the things they did, the things you will hear, have nothing to do with you. People will say vile things to you, but that won't make them true. The only person who gets to decide who you are and how you feel about yourself is you."

Still, even with Zafrina's counseling and all the support he was receiving, he knew it wasn't going to be easy. Emmett had let slip that along with all the outpouring of love and support, he'd received a fair share of hate mail and threats.

If complete strangers could write vile, hateful things, Edward paled when he thought about going home to the tiny, everyone-knows-everyone town of Forks.

The idea of returning to school was especially daunting. He already knew from Alice that the kids at Forks High weren't as accepting as the people who filled his hospital room with flowers. More than one person had accosted Alice and even Bella in the hall, telling them exactly what they thought about Edward fucking with the futures of the five other boys.

Coach Clapp had visited. He was nice, but Edward had noticed the way he didn't look him in the eyes. He'd been as tactful as possible, but he had asked if Edward was intending to return to the wrestling team when he came back.

It would be a long while before Edward could even contemplate returning to any kind of sport, but he didn't tell the coach that. He knew what the man was thinking. Wrestling was the epitome of a contact sport, and the remainder of his teammates were probably under some delusion that putting them in a headlock got Edward off.

He swallowed hard and reminded the coach that the school had already told him and Benjamin gym was no longer mandatory for them. They said they were concerned the boys would be traumatized having to return to the locker rooms where they'd been assaulted, but Edward privately thought they were just trying to avoid complaints from the other students and some parents. Who wanted to change around perverts, after all?

Toward the end of his hospital stay, Carlisle and Esme talked to him about the possibility of moving. Alice was willing. They could move to Seattle - closer to Emmett who was in his last year at UDub - and maybe things would be easier in a new, bigger school.

Edward refused. "I won't leave Benjamin alone," he said flatly.

Benjamin always managed to dodge questions about his parents, but Edward got the distinct impression they were of the mindset that their son had only gotten what he deserved. What else should he expect from his perversion, after all?

As it was, they were upset that the school had given him time off. He wouldn't have to return to school until after the winter break, coming up in another couple of weeks. Edward knew without a doubt they would force him to return to that school.

He was scared out of his mind, but he was going to be there beside the other boy. That was that.

"We didn't do anything wrong," he said, convincing himself as much as he was making a statement. "I'm not going to let a bunch of teenage assholes chase me away from my home."

His parents looked teary, and his father took his hand. "In case I haven't told you enough, Edward, you are my hero."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So many thanks to jessypt for beta and for leaving flails in my docs every time I write something in Arabic. Hearts. And thank you to barburella for everything.
> 
> And you guise. You guise give me the warm fuzzies.
> 
> How are we doing out there in fanfic land?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello, duckies. My gurl Mariuxita Rivera made me a fabulous banner for this little tale. You can find it on my profile. So many hearts. I love artwork for my fics. Edward is waiting to be sprung from the hospital so let's get right down to it, shall we?

Even if the Arabic hadn't given it away, Edward would have been able to tell when Benjamin was speaking to his parents. Every inch of his body - even his face - tensed. He kept his tone even, but the words were spoken in a harsher, faster fashion. Usually he ended up walking out of the room into the hallway.

Edward worried the edge of his blanket between his fingers, trying not to grind his teeth. Benjamin always dismissed him or changed the subject when he tried to ask about his parents.

Not today.

When he walked back into the room, it was obvious the effort it took for Benjamin to put on a relaxed smile. "I'm back,  _ya gameel._  I hope you weren't too lonely without me."

"I managed to survive," Edward said dryly. He reached his hand out, drawing the other boy closer.

"Benjamin's smile was easier then, more genuine. He leaned down to kiss Edward, sighing into his mouth with contentment. He tried to pull away, but Edward threaded his fingers into Benjamin's hair, keeping him steady. Benjamin was quick to get on board. He cupped Edward's chin, sliding his tongue between his lips.

"I have a favor to ask you," Edward said after a moment, pressing smaller, pretty little kisses against Benjamin's mouth as he spoke.

The other boy's eyes were hooded, and he blinked as if he were sleepy, watching Edward as he kissed him. "You don't have to butter me up. You know I would do most anything for you."

"Are you sure?" More kisses.

"Of course. Just ask."

Edward pulled back, framing Benjamin's face in his hands. "Are you scared to go home?"

Benjamin's eyes went wide a split second before they narrowed. "That was a dirty trick," he scolded.

"I'm not above hedging my bets if it means you'll answer me."

"You're lucky you're so pretty." Benjamin began to caress his face lightly. "Why don't-"

Edward caught his hand by the wrist and lowered it. "Please answer me." His tone was a plea that bordered on a command.

Benjamin must have seen it in his eyes because he huffed and looked down. "Yes," he admitted. The words were barely a whisper.

Moving slowly, trying the quell the rising anger inside him so he could keep calm, Edward took Benjamin's hand. He ran his thumb comfortingly over his knuckles and forced himself to count to ten before he spoke, keeping his tone even. "Will he hurt you?"

That Benjamin hesitated before he answered spoke volumes. His whole stance was so unusual for him - bowed and subdued. He took a shaky breath. "I don't think so."

This was progress. At least he was answering.

Edward could play twenty questions until he got the whole story from his boyfriend. "Has he before?"

Benjamin huffed again and began to play with Edward's fingers. "You have enough to think about. Don't worry about me,  _habeeby."_

"Has he?" Edward insisted.

The other boy pressed his lips together, breathing in and out through his nose. "Yes."

Edward clenched the fist of his free hand.

"It has been a long time since he did that," Benjamin was quick to add. "It was mostly when I was thirteen or fourteen. He was trying to cure my perversion." Bitterness crept into his tone as he spoke. "He neglected to realize when he raised me to be proud of who I was, I might not be someone he could be proud of."

"And your mother?"

Benjamin paused. Edward hated seeing the pain in his eyes. "My mother usually agrees with my father's word."

Edward's throat was tight. "But your father hasn't hurt you lately?" he clarified.

"It took him a while, but he finally realized this is a part of me he couldn't beat out."

Despite his best effort, Edward was clenching his jaw. He had the urge to hit something. Hard.

He took a deep breath, calming himself. "Why are you afraid then?"

Again, Benjamin was quiet. He was running a single finger over each of his knuckles. "I just don't know what to expect. I defied him in front of your parents. I have refused to come home while you're here, and asked your parents to talk to him." He hesitated. "And he believes I've corrupted you."

Edward snorted. "Yes. I am a very impressionable, and you are oh so devious." He tapped his finger along Benjamin's side playfully. "How did this corrupting take place? Was there hypnotism involved?" He leaned in, speaking in conspiratorial tones. "Did you make me get naked and dance like a chicken?"

The misery in Benjamin's eyes lessened and he smiled, looking straight at Edward. "Yes to the naked." He leaned in, pressing a feathery kiss to Edward's ear as he rumbled, "But there are many more creative things I would do with you nude than make you dance like a chicken."

A shiver went down Edward's spine. He twisted Benjamin's shirt in between his fingers and dragged him down for another thorough kiss.

**_~0~_ **

Since Edward's body could only handle him walking and standing for minutes at a time, he was grudgingly getting used to being pushed in wheelchairs for the time being. Of course, Emmett could be trusted to see the advantage in the situation.

As soon as the orderly had left them outside the hospital, Emmett grabbed the handlebars of Edward's wheelchair and began propelling him forward at top speed. "See you later, bro!" he cried, waving as he let Edward go in the direction of the parking lot.

"Emmett!" Carlisle and Esme both protested in slightly panicked voices.

Laughing, Emmett jogged forward, catching up to Edward easily. "I got him."

Amused, Edward just shook his head. The little bit of speed had given him much more pleasure than it should have. He liked the bite of the cold air against his face.

What he didn't like was the couple he saw standing not too far away, waiting.

Reaching over, trying to bite back his trepidation, Edward grabbed for Benjamin's hand. He'd seen them, of course. He was looking down at the ground, but when Edward touched him he smiled.

Ignoring his parents' presence for the moment, Benjamin gripped Edward tight around his wrists, supporting him as he stood. He helped ease him into the car.

Before he could pull back, Edward grabbed his arm, keeping him close. "Remember what I said."

Benjamin searched his eyes and nodded.

The only way Edward would promise not to say anything to his parents about how Benjamin's parents had treated him in the past was for his boyfriend to agree if anything even started to happen now, he would get the hell out of there.

"You always have somewhere to go," he reminded him in a soft voice.

"I know," Benjamin assured him. He leaned forward, brushing a chaste kiss to Edward's cheek.

When he pulled back, Edward couldn't help his blush. Both sets of parents were watching them. What a difference. Where Carlisle and Esme both wore small, indulgent smiles, Amun and Kebi looked disgusted.

Edward worried as they drove home.

Sitting in the backseat with Emmett - who was hitching a ride home for the winter break - Edward thought about the past. He remembered road trips just like this. Emmett, always restless, starting to poke and playfully antagonize him. Alice was waiting for them at home, but of course, in his memories she was right there - the adored and spoiled baby sister. Their father would speak from the driver's seat, telling them about the history of whatever area they happened to be road tripping to. Their mother would be ready with snacks and distractions when they all got really antsy.

Nothing had changed, he reflected. There was nothing different about the way his family treated him now as before he'd been hospitalized. He was no different. If anything, Esme had told him she was  _less_  worried in many ways. Boyfriends and girlfriends were a part of adolescence, and parents were prone to wondering if something was wrong when they didn't come along in due time.

Esme had smoothed his hair back, smiling at him. "You're exactly the way you should be."

Edward couldn't imagine what it was like to be Benjamin.

Benjamin had opened up a little more, telling him of all the good times he'd spent with his parents. They'd been adoring, spending all their love, time, and attention on their only child. They'd taught him to be strong, to be proud.

They had made him a beautiful, caring person.

Then, when hormones kicked in, everything changed.

Benjamin had to deal with the same things Edward did. They were both scared of what would happen when they returned to Forks. They were both trying to cope with being secure in who they were - to themselves and to each other - while people around them hissed that they were unnatural, that they deserved worse than what had already happened. But to deal with these things - already more than anyone should have to deal with - without the love and support of his family?

"I've been very alone for a long time," Benjamin had admitted to him.

Edward tapped on his chin until he looked up. "Not anymore," he'd promised.

**_~0~_ **

It was days before Edward saw Benjamin again.

No matter how many times Esme and Carlisle had assured him that Benjamin was more than welcome at the hospital and in their home, Amun continued to believe the boy was taking advantage of their kindness and distraction. Now that they were home in Forks, Benjamin had been grounded, supposedly for his disobedience.

Everyone knew the truth. It was one thing for Amun to live with the knowledge his precious boy liked other boys. It was one thing for him to watch Benjamin's eyes stray over the bodies of young men. No part of Amun understood that. Everything he'd been taught by his family, his peers, his religion told him it was wrong. A sin. An abomination. A deviance. It was an entirely different ballpark to see evidence of his son's distasteful proclivities.

Now that Edward wasn't laid up in a hospital bed, who knew what the boys would get up to when they were left alone.

Of course, Benjamin had allies in all the Cullens, and his parents couldn't keep track of him while they were at work. On the third day, almost as soon as Amun and Kebi had left for work, Emmett went and retrieved Benjamin.

When he walked in the door, Edward didn't hesitate. He didn't care that his brother and sister were there to see him. He wasn't self-conscious. Moving faster than he had in a long while, he wrapped his arms around Benjamin and held on tight.

Benjamin hugged him back, just as needy.

"This is fucking ridiculous. I'm getting you a phone for Christmas," Edward muttered, trying to cover the swell of emotion that washed over him. He'd just been so worried, and he missed the other boy terribly.

Benjamin just laughed, his breath warm against Edward's neck.

**_~0~_ **

It was early afternoon before Edward found himself alone with Benjamin in his room.

There was definitely an elephant in the room. They were making small talk, but there was a heat to the air that was getting increasingly insistent on being acknowledged.

It was a unique situation they found themselves in in more ways than one. Technically, they'd been boyfriends for going on six weeks. They'd been close friends for months before that. Benjamin was not unfamiliar to him. They were both normal teenage boys with normal teenage boy hormones. Being in the hospital for so long had lent a serious edge to their brand new relationship. Essentially, Benjamin had the happy privilege of skipping right to the heavy "in sickness and in health" part before they'd ever had a chance to fool around.

It was a heavy place to start from. While Edward wasn't hesitant with his soft caresses, kisses, and hugs, he wasn't at all sure how to segue into anything else. It wasn't as though he had any personal knowledge to draw from. Benjamin had been the only person he'd ever touched with any degree of intimacy.

When Benjamin put his hand on Edward's knee, he jumped.

Benjamin kissed his cheek slowly. "Is this okay?"

Swallowing hard, Edward could only nod. He tilted his head, catching Benjamin's kisses with his lips. As Benjamin's hand began to creep up, his fingers playing along the inside of Edward's thigh, Edward let his hand rest against the other boy's chest.

Slowly, they began to explore each other with their hands. Edward's eyes were closed. He let his nerves fade away as he drowned in the sensations of Benjamin's fingers tracing nonsensical patterns at his thigh, tickling his stomach, splaying across his back. He marvelled at the feel of Benjamin's chin, rough with stubble, and the subtle musculature of his arms once he'd knocked his jacket off. As they touched, they kissed, tongues and mouths moving together.

It felt good. It felt really good.

Edward had no idea if he fell back or if Benjamin pushed him, but they ended up horizontal. Benjamin's hands were tantalizingly low on his stomach, his palm resting on the front of his jeans so close to where Edward was about 87% sure he wanted him. Edward shifted his hips, encouraging Benjamin's hand. Just a little bit more...

Instead, Benjamin's hand slid upward, under Edward's shirt.

With a little gasp, Edward gave him a light shove, drawing back.

"Did I hurt you?" Benjamin's expression was perplexed, concerned.

Edward shook his head. "No. I, um... No, you didn't hurt me," he stumbled.

Benjamin reached up, tracing his lips. "Do you want to stop?"

Again, Edward shook his head. "No." He definitely didn't want to stop.

Drawing his hand downward, Benjamin rested it against his chest. "Your heart is pounding so fast," he observed.

Edward just looked at him, feeling foolish and self-conscious.

"What is it? You can tell me." Benjamin pressed a soft, encouraging kiss to his lips.

"Just..." He swallowed hard. "The scars."

"Oh," Benjamin said, his tone quiet. His eyebrows knitted together, and Edward saw a flash of fury pass over his features before it settled into something easier. He smiled and hummed, then pretended to sigh. "Well, let's get this over with. Let's see them."

He looked Edward right in the eyes as he moved his hands to his shirt. He began to tug up, waiting for Edward to protest. Though his mouth felt dry and his quick heartbeat made it difficult to breathe, Edward let him tug his shirt up and off.

Finally, Benjamin's eyes flicked downward.

His fingers were gentle as one by one, he traced the scars that littered Edward's torso. There was a smattering of scars that marked where they'd gone in to fix his broken insides. There was one high up on his side about the size of a quarter where the shunt they'd placed to keep his chest inflated had been yanked out.

Benjamin's breath shuddered, and Edward's heart seized. He felt maimed. Ugly.

But then Benjamin slid down Edward's body, peppering kisses along his stomach, across each of the scars. Edward gasped and moaned, the feather light motion sending thrills down his spine. His body ached, but it was a far away pain, easily eclipsed by the pleasure of Benjamin's lips moving over his skin.

He made his way up to kiss the shunt scar before he kissed a trail up to Edward's lips. " _Enta raguly, ya habeeby_ ," he murmured breathlessly between kisses.

"What?" Edward managed to ask. Benjamin was leaning over him now, and Edward was distracted by the way his warm body felt against his bare skin.

Benjamin straddled him and straightened up. "Nothing," he said, running his hands up and down Edward's chest. He brought his hand up, stroking his cheek. "They offset your pasty white body quite well." He waggled his eyebrows.

Edward huffed with laughter and then moaned when Benjamin began to move against him. He caught the other boy by the hips, gripping tight as Benjamin leaned down to kiss him again.

For minutes they didn't talk, too busy communicating their mutual attraction in other ways. Edward slipped his hands under Benjamin's shirt, feeling the slight definition of his abs. Benjamin pulled back just slightly, and they were panting into each others mouths as their hips ground together.

Edward threw his head back on the pillow, closing his eyes as the friction started to build, started to coil. "Oh, fuck."

Benjamin took the invitation of his tilted head, beginning to kiss and nip at Edward's neck. Edward whimpered with pleasure, running his hands down to cup the other boy's ass, feeling him as they moved together.

Orgasm hit Edward suddenly and hard. Benjamin swallowed his cry with his mouth, stiffening only a handful of seconds later, muffling his own shout against Edward's lips.

Then Benjamin seemed to melt against him, his body hot and heavy. Again, Edward ached. Again, he could not bring himself to care. He tucked Benjamin's head under his chin and kept his arms around him as they both caught their breath.

"That was fuck awesome," he muttered, still panting.

Benjamin giggled. He actually giggled.

The sound made Edward smile and blush at the same time. "What?" he demanded.

"Fuck awesome? That's all you got?" Benjamin pretended to sigh. "Well, I suppose fuck awesome is pretty good considering we're both still mostly clothed.

Rolling his eyes, Edward cupped the back of Benjamin's neck, bringing him closer for another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Many thanks to barburella and jessypt for the Arabic lessons and the flailing.  
> How are we out there? Nervous about school?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: These boys talk too much. Sigh. Obviously we're looking at more chapters. I always look like a liar. Sigh. It's not like I'm the author or anything. Who's in control of this story? Certainly not me!  
> Mwah.

Esme could be very convincing when she wanted something.

The idea that a parent's ability to care for their child was one that could be switched off was not one Esme Cullen could wrap her head around. Her concern for her children could not be shaken. Edward, Emmett, and Alice could have been terrorists, and she still would have cared for them. Oh, she would have made them take responsibility for their actions, but she wouldn't have thought they deserved to be hurt, even if they hurt others. Two wrongs didn't make a right.

Not that she thought Edward and Benjamin were wrong in the slightest, but Amun and Kebi made it very clear they did.

Still, despite the fact they had hinted the boys deserved what they got, Esme managed to keep her temper when she spoke to the couple. She convinced them to let Benjamin come over during the day most days of the week.

Though they'd tried to keep up while Edward was in the hospital, they were both still woefully behind in school. They both had to get through a stack of packets almost as tall as they were before school started up again.

To that end, Benjamin ended up spending more time than not during the day at the Cullen house. There, with Alice, Bella, and Jasper's help, they started the daunting task of catching up.

Edward found himself watching Jasper more than anything.

Of all his teammates, Jasper was the only one who'd visited when Edward was in the hospital. He hadn't stayed long, but he'd looked Edward in the eyes and smiled when he spoke. The atmosphere was awkward, but that might have been Edward's imagination. He was self-conscious about everything. He'd been covered in cuts and bruises because he wouldn't let their teammates rape and batter his boyfriend.

He had a boyfriend. He didn't know why it wasn't the most natural thing in the world, but obviously, it wasn't.

Except the way Jasper was acting, it was.

"When do you get to come back to wrestling?" Jasper asked as they were all sitting around the table, Edward and Benjamin's homework spread out around them. He was the picture of nonchalance, looking at Edward steadily.

Benjamin squeezed his knee under the table, a comforting gesture.

Edward cleared his throat. "I, um..." He shrugged. "By the time I'm through all the physical therapy, the season's going to be over." He shrugged again, deciding not to mention that it had been strongly suggested he might feel uncomfortable going back.

"That sucks," Jasper said, shaking his head. "Didn't Coach Clapp say you were good enough to be scouted? That's a hell of a scholarship to miss out on."

Another shrug. Edward stared down at the table. Benjamin moved his hand to the small of his back and pressed. Edward breathed in slowly. "I don't think I want to wrestle in college anyway." He was pleased his tone was reasonably light.

"Eh." Jasper waved one hand and picked up an A.P. science packet with the other. "You're one of those assholes who got both ends of the spectrum. Smarts and sports."

Edward snorted, casting a withering glare in the direction of his wheelchair. "Yeah, I'm super athletic right now."

"That'll pass," Jasper said easily, sincerely. "You'll be fine, won't you?"

"Of course he will," Benjamin answered for him. He reached over with his free hand, ruffling Edward's hair.

Edward ducked a little away, his cheeks heating, and he glanced at Jasper.

A little smile played at the blond boy's lips. He didn't seem uncomfortable at all.

Edward relaxed minutely.

But Benjamin had noticed his hesitation. The warmth of his hand left Edward's back.

Fuck.

Benjamin gave a small laugh, continuing what he was saying. "Edward's a little bit of a drama queen. He's really not as bad off as he makes it look. Just a little hard work to get his figure back."

Alice giggled.

Bella was smiling.

The tension around the table broke somewhat, and they got back to business.

Edward tried to catch Benjamin's eyes, but the other boy wasn't looking up. He stared studiously down at his work.

It was only about a half an hour later that Alice called a moratorium on studying so lunch could be made.

"Benji and Jasper can help. I'll stay here," Bella said. "I've got to learn this kid a thing or two about the Kreb's cycle."

The others agreed and walked off. Edward's eyes followed Benjamin until he was out of the room.

Benjamin didn't look back.

"Fuck," he muttered out loud this time.

"Yeah, you're an idiot," Bella agreed cheerfully.

Edward shifted to looked at his best friend. He grimaced, rubbing the back of his neck.

"You're hella jumpy today, Edward."

He busied himself rearranging his packets around the table.

"Are you scared of Jasper for some reason?"

"No," he said too quickly. "Why would I be scared of Jasper? He wouldn't come over to my house if he was like..." He swallowed thickly. "If he was like the other guys."

"Well, you're his excuse." He looked up to find Bella grinning, her eyes glinting as she teased. "He's using you to get to Alice."

Edward slumped in his seat a little, slouching until his head was resting against the hard wooden back. He stared up at the ceiling. "I should probably be more concerned about that as a big brother."

"Naw." She was silent for a minute before she spoke again. "It's all part of the same problem, in a way."

"What are you talking about?"

"The patriarchy and all that. The roles of men and women. You think it's your job to take care of your sister. Why? Because she's a girl?"

"No."

"Then why? Did you feel the need to protect Emmett when he started dating."

"Well, Emmett is older," Edward defended. He frowned, trying to get on the same page as her. "What does that have to do with me, anyway?"

"Gender roles. Men are supposed to protect women. Women are supposed to need protecting. It's a sympatico that the simple minded find comfort in."

"But I'm a guy who wants to be with another guy. It goes against the natural order of things. I should be out finding a girl to protect," Edward concluded bitterly.

"And both ideas are complete and utter bullshit. You don't need to harass Jasper. If you did, you'd be saying you don't trust your sister to be smart enough to figure out for herself if Jasper is the right choice."

She was on a roll now, talking so fast he almost couldn't keep up. "All of the archetypes are complete crap. Really? Like all seven billion people on the planet are going to fit in one of two molds? Give me a break. So I don't know. I think we all have to look beyond the roles we've been taught - even the ones that sound nice on the surface. Fight the good fight and all that."

Edward continued to stare up at the ceiling.

By now, he should have been used to his head spinning.

"I don't want to fight the good fight," he grumbled. "I want to touch my fucking boyfriend without having to wonder if someone wants to kick my ass for doing it."

He heard the scrape of her chair across linoleum, and a few seconds later, she was hugging him. "Jasper's one of the good guys," was all she said.

"Yeah." He closed his eyes, allowing himself to soak up the comfort she offered. "I know."

**_~0~_ **

After lunch, everyone was too lazy to crack the books again. It was just as well. Edward wouldn't have been able to concentrate anyway.

He reached out, taking Benjamin's hand before the other boy could wander after the others to the living room. Benjamin looked down at their entwined fingers and then up at Edward coolly. "Are you sure you want to do that? Someone might see."

Edward grimaced. "Can we talk. Upstairs?"

Benjamin's expression softened, and he nodded, automatically slipping an arm around Edward's waist to help keep him upright.

Getting back upstairs to his room was an arduous task, which was probably why Benjamin didn't give him crap after he asked. Rather than his usual, playful encouragements, he was quiet as they made their way one step at a time.

The longer the silence went on, the more Edward stewed.

It was overdone.

Benjamin hadn't been this angry when Edward ran out on him after that first kiss. This was so minor in comparison.

By the time they got to his room, Edward was breathing hard with exertion and cranky. He pushed Benjamin away as soon as he could sink down on his bed. "I'm sorry I pulled away, but don't you think you're overdoing it?" he asked as he laid back with a groan.

The other boy didn't speak right away. Edward felt the dip of the bed as he sat down a little ways away, his back to Edward.

"This house is a safe place for me, Edward. A happy place." There was no anger in his voice. If anything, he sounded a little sad. "I know it will be different between us when we go back to school, but here, I'm not afraid. Your parents... it helps so much that they accept me. I don't want to be scared or self-conscious here."

Edward's stomach twisted uncomfortably as he thought over Benjamin's words.

He trusted each and every one of the Cullens. Just as it never would have occurred to him to be scared with Bella, it wouldn't occur to him to be wary of Jasper. This house was a haven, probably his only one in the world.

Grunting, Edward pushed himself upright. He scooted to the edge of the bed until they were side by side and laid his hand palm up on Benjamin's knee. He smiled with relief when the other boy only hesitated a moment before threading their fingers together.

"I'm sorry," he said again, meaning it this time. He rested his head on the other boy's shoulder. "You've always been braver than I am."

Benjamin snorted. "I'm not so brave." He tilted his head and pressed a lingering kiss against Edward's hair. He shifted and brought his hands up to cup Edward's face. His eyes danced as he gave his lips a teasing kiss. "I will let you make it up to me,  _habeeby_."

"That's, uh... magnanimous of you."

"Oh, Mr. Berty would be proud. Someone was paying attention to that English assignment."

Edward hummed. "Yeah. No harm in mixing a little work with my play, right?" He wound his arm around Benjamin and catching his lips in a slow, thorough kiss. He let his fingers traipse along Benjamin's side, tickling lightly.

Benjamin laughed into his mouth, and then gave a rather girly squeal when Edward pulled him horizontal on the bed. Edward didn't give him much of a chance to recover. He put a hand to his cheek, tilting his head toward him.

Edward took his time. He kissed the other boy slow, working him up. Benjamin pulled at his lips, tempting him deeper, but Edward pulled back. He pressed hot, tiny little kisses to the space between Benjamin's nose and his upper lip. As he did this, he curled himself up against Benjamin, tangling the other boy's right leg with his left. His hands moved slowly, stroking a line down his chest.

With each pass, he stroked further down.

And then back up.

He kissed the tip of Benjamin's chin, enjoying the way his breath hitched as he moved his lips lower to his neck.

Benjamin moaned. The vibration of the sound went straight down to Edward's cock, making him gasp.

" _Tagalny magnoon_ ," Benjamin muttered feverishly.

Edward pulled back. "Monsoon? What?"

With a small growl, Benjamin cupped his hand around the back of Edward's neck and pulled him back down. He kissed him. Hard. " _Habeeby_ , if you do not touch me soon, I will go out of my mind."

Grinning into their kiss, Edward moved his hand back to Benjamin's chest, splaying it wide. "I am touching you," he said, breathless when they broke.

Glaring at him, Benjamin shook his head. "You are a tease, Edward Cullen."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Edward said innocently, walking two of his fingers down to Benjamin's stomach.

And then down further.

Benjamin whimpered, the sound small in the back of his throat. "No, I take that back. You're evil."

Edward had to grin.

Mostly, he was all bravado. In reality, his heart was beating fast against his chest. He had no idea what he was doing, so he was glad it seemed to be working.

Taking a deep breath, he pressed his whole palm between Benjamin's legs.

Benjamin gasped and bucked up against his hand.

"Is this what you want?" Edward asked, his tone airy as he pressed little kisses along Benjamin's neck.

"Yes. Please, yes."

Edward kissed the underside of his chin as he worked his hand over the bulge.

It was strange - like touching himself but not. So much better because Benjamin was panting in his ear. Even through jeans, he was hot and hard beneath his hand. His throat went dry with want.

"Can I touch you?" he asked against Benjamin's ear.

Benjamin gave a light huff. "You are touching me," he reminded.

"Can I  _really_  touch you?"

Benjamin's breath was shaky. His hand stroked up and down Edward's back. "Please."

Moving to kiss him again, Edward moved his hand to Benjamin's fly. His fingers were trembling ever so slightly, but he managed to make short work of the button.

The boys moved together until Benjamin's jeans were low on his hips. Edward hesitated only a moment before he slipped his hands into the other boy's boxers.

He explored him tentatively at first, his fingertips skimming along smooth skin, feeling along the ridges. He'd never touched himself like this, exploring every inch, every nuance.

Of course, he was not nearly as fascinated with his own gasps and moans as he was with Benjamin's.

Too constricted by the confines of the cotton cloth, Edward tugged. Getting the idea quickly, Benjamin lifted his hips, letting him slide his boxers down.

Edward looked, watching the way his hand slid over Benjamin's cock. He never would have thought he could find the sight of another guy's dick beautiful, but he did. He liked the way it looked - the light skin of his own hand and the dark pink of Benjamin. He liked how his cock was thick. He was circumcised, and that was new to Edward. He brushed his thumb over the other boy's head.

Benjamin shuddered with pleasure. "That feels so good."

Smug and satisfied with how breathless he sounded, Edward began to move his hand up and down in smooth, firm strokes.

It took no time at all before Benjamin's heavy breath became nonsensical babbling, half Arabic and half English. When Edward moved his other hand to cup his balls, Benjamin cried out.

"Shh," Edward admonished. "Everyone's still here."

"Oh, I don't care," Benjamin moaned.

Edward laughed and kissed him quiet even as he stroked harder, faster.

Benjamin came hard, the sound of his pleasure drowned out against Edward's mouth. Edward marvelled at the way his cock pulsed in his hand.

He liked it. He liked it all a lot.

Kissing Benjamin's cheek, he rolled away, wincing but otherwise ignoring the pain in his body. He reached for the towel he'd discarded carelessly over the bed earlier that morning, wiping himself clean.

After a few seconds, Benjamin rolled toward him and kissed him sweetly. "That was fuck awesome as someone I know would say."

"Yeah? Well, he sounds pretty awesome."

Benjamin's hand rested on his stomach, and Edward's cock twitched. "He is," Benjamin mumbled against his lips.

With a sigh, Edward let their kiss deepen.

Both the boys jumped when there was a loud knock at the door. "Hey, lovebirds!" Emmett called. "Come downstairs. We need two more for an epic round of Counterstrike."

Edward groaned, hitting his head on his pillow. "You suck, Emmett!"

"Not as much as you!"

Benjamin chortled, burying his head against Edward's chest. "Come on, _ya gameel_. Let's go be social."

"If we must."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks to jessypt for supplying me with Arabic translations. And thanks as always to Barburella.  
> How are we doing out there? Mostly sweet, right?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: *holds your hands*

Edward was very comfortable. He was warm, and he felt safe, content.

Except there was an itch at his nose.

He grumbled, swiping, itching.

Someone chuckled. The sound made Edward smile, but then the itch was back. He sighed. Irritated.

" _As-hoo, ya habeeby_."

Benjamin's voice brought him back to consciousness. Edward opened his eyes, blinking, disconcerted as to where he was and what was going on. He was still warm, safe, and content, but something was off.

He flinched back a little when a finger entered his line of sight, but he had nowhere to go before it tickled his nose.

Another chuckle, and this time Edward realized he could feel the movement against his back. Very suddenly, he realized he was in his bed, but he wasn't alone. Benjamin was behind him, his chest against his back with an arm slung around him.

Edward jolted upright, scrambling a ways away from Benjamin and jarring himself in the process. He hissed. Benjamin sighed. "Now that was not a very smart thing to do. Come back to me." He was sitting back against Edward's headboard, holding his arms out.

But Edward's brain hadn't caught up yet. "Is this a dream?"

Benjamin laughed, entirely amused at Edward's antics. "I should say yes. Then maybe I would see what you do to me in your dreams."

Edward blinked at him. That was an intriguing scenario if ever he'd heard one.

"You took your meds last night, didn't you,  _habeeby_? You're still stoned."

It was finally beginning to seep into Edward's addled brain that Benjamin was really there. In his bed. He glanced at the clock by the bedside. It was three in the morning. "How did you get in here?" he asked, crawling back toward him, wincing as he did.

"I unlocked the window downstairs in the back room so I could get in," Benjamin admitted. "Maybe my father was right about you letting riff-raff like me into your home."

"On principle, I don't think your father is right about anything," Edward grumbled, settling back into Benjamin's arms. Still sleepy, he snuggled with the other boy. He was right. Struck by body pain that wouldn't give up, Edward had tossed and turned before finally taking pain meds only about an hour before. He wasn't ready to be awake yet. "What are you doing here?"

He probably should have been either more turned on by the prospect of having his boyfriend in his bed in the middle of the night or more worried. His parents were being great about the whole having a boyfriend thing, but he was pretty sure the unspoken rules about no horny teenagers spending the night would apply regardless of what gender he was attracted to.

"I wanted to give you your Christmas present on Christmas morning." Benjamin pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I left others under the tree for your family."

"But, you don't celebrate."

Benjamin had abandoned the idea of organized religion. After all, by his parents' religion, he should be put to death. By his peers' religion, he was an abomination. Benjamin subscribed to no particular faith, driving an even bigger wedge between himself and his parents.

"I like what your mother told me about why you celebrate," he murmured, his voice a pleasing rumble near Edward's ear.

A few days before, when Esme had asked Benjamin if his parents might come over for Christmas dinner, he'd explained that they were Muslim and he himself celebrated nothing. Esme had explained that the Cullens agreed with his assessment of organized religion.

"My husband's father, Edward's grandfather, was a preacher. He was very intolerant," she'd mused out loud. "I think there are many good things about religious institutions, but as we've found none we can agree with, we don't really celebrate either. At least not as a celebration with any religious significance.

"For us, it's about taking a day to appreciate the people in your lives. Life gets busy. Since everyone is in the spirit of gift giving, and everyone is already off work and school, why not take Christmas to make sure you have at least one day a year that you settle down with your family and express your love for them? I think it's more honest than some who say they are celebrating Christ and don't." She had ruffled his hair. "We have a Christmas tree for no other reason than my children have always liked to decorate the tree together, and I've always liked to watch them. All of our traditions have nothing to do with anything except we enjoy the time together."

Edward hummed, pleased as he peeled Benjamin's fingers away from the item in the palm of his hand. "That's good, because I told you I was going to get you a phone, and I did."

"You didn't have to do that."

"Yes, I did. You not having a phone is driving me nuts." Before the assault, Benjamin had had a very simple phone; they could at least text. His phone had been broken during the attack, and of course, his parents didn't see why they should replace it.

Edward finally got to Benjamin's gift. It was a necklace. Well, it was a piece of wood - intricately carved and polished smooth - on a chord.

"There was this tree in our yard in Egypt," Benjamin explained. "It had branches that swooped out like arms. That's what I used to imagine when I climbed into it - that arms were holding me, and I felt safe there. When we left, I sawed off as big a branch as I could, and I had it mailed to our new address." He huffed. "My father told me I was crazy."

"I don't think that's crazy," Edward mumbled, running his fingers over the fine lines of the square wooden pendant. He probably didn't feel very safe going to this new place. He wanted to take some of his safety with him.

Safety seemed to be important to Benjamin.

"This is from the branch?" Edward clarified.

"Yeah. You don't have to wear it or anything."

"I will. I think it's..."

"Fuck awesome?" Benjamin suggested.

Edward turned his head to glare. "Are you ever going to let that go?"

"Hmmm. Let me think. No, I don't think I will."

"Asshole."

Benjamin laughed and kissed him then. Their hands tangled, the necklace between them, and Benjamin kissed him horizontal.

And as much as Edward wanted to finally wake up enough to realize there was a pretty boy in his bed, and maybe he should take advantage of that, he was still intensely groggy from the drugs he'd taken less than an hour before. It was not long at all before he was slipping back into the haze of sleep.

It was like a glimpse of a possible future: falling asleep to Benjamin's sweet kisses with his hand warm against his chest.

" _Ahlam gameel, ya omry_ ," he thought he heard Benjamin whisper, but he could have been mistaken. The real world was nonsensical, and he was slipping into peaceful dreams.

When he woke up, he could swear it was all a dream except the necklace was tangled up in his fingers and the nicely wrapped phone he'd bought Benjamin was gone. He reached for his own phone. He laughed and smiled when he saw Benjamin had changed the background. It was a picture of them, obviously from that morning. Edward was asleep, his head cradled on Benjamin's chest. Benjamin looked at the camera with sleepy, happy eyes.

**_~0~_ **

Two days after Christmas, Esme announced she was going to the store.

Edward's stomach nearly jumped up into his throat, but he managed to get the words out. "I'll come with you."

Every member of his family looked up from their lunch to stare at him. He looked down at his plate, suddenly not at all hungry.

He knew it wasn't going to be pleasant. A week before, Carlisle had come home fuming and furious. He'd told Edward not to worry. Of course, Edward translated that into 'skulk around until his parents spoke in private'.

Edward knew he had his share of supporters. Now that he was home, there had been an influx of food - casseroles, cookies, and things like that. A very sweet little girl had drawn him pictures and written that she loved him just the way he was.

That letter was taped up on his wall to give him hope whenever he began to doubt humanity.

What he heard his parents discussing that evening wasn't exactly surprise. They shielded him as much as they could, but Edward was well aware of what some of the people around town thought of him.

More than one person had approached Carlisle or Esme, scolding them or otherwise being extremely antagonistic about the trouble their son was causing some of Forks's good ol' boys. Many people in town had taken up a collection to post bail on the boys that hadn't been able to afford it. Many of them thought Edward and Benjamin had to have provoked the other boys to get that kind of response.

Some of them were like Benjamin's parents. They couldn't blame the other boys for what they'd done.

It was Emmett who spoke first. "Yeah. Yeah, I think I'll go too. I could use some... stuff."

Edward's looked up at his brother, narrowing his eyes, knowing exactly what he was doing.

But..

At the same time, he was almost relieved at the idea his bear of a brother would be coming along.

"I'll go, too," Alice said cheerfully. "Anyway, I think Bella is working today. We can say hello."

Carlisle nodded. "We'll all go," he said as easily as though this decision had nothing at all to do with Edward's innate terror.

It was, after all, the first time he would be stepping out of the house since he'd come home from the hospital.

Benjamin was right. Outside this house, he had no concept of safety anymore. His teammates - his friends - had attacked him in school, during the day, with plenty of people very close by. Those were just kids. What would full-fledged adults do if given half the chance?

**_~0~_ **

"Take the cane."

"Dad," Edward protested, but his father was having none of it.

"Edward, you've already refused the wheelchair. You're going to be standing for an extended length of time. You know it's going to be taxing on your body." He proffered the cane that Edward hated so much. "Take it."

Scowling, Edward grudgingly did as he was told. His father was right, and if they lingered longer in the parking lot, someone was going to see him being scolded like a recalcitrant toddler. The cane left him with little enough dignity.

Knowing damn well he was being immature, Edward refused Carlisle's hand, instead using the cane and the door to drag himself out of the car.

Consciously or not, Edward's family fell into a distinctly protective formation around him.

People were staring. Of course they were. It was nearly impossible to go anywhere in Forks and not run into someone you knew.

Or a lot of someones.

More than once someone turned away when they realized the Cullens were getting closer. There were a lot of those scathing whispered conversations that were just loud enough to hear.

Edward tried to walk with his head held high, but it was difficult. Everything in him wanted to crumple under the weight of what was happening here. Most of these people had known him and liked him his whole life.

It wasn't all bad, of course. Beth Crowley, whose son was on the basketball team, had stopped to say how good it was to see him up and about.

"Keep on trucking," she said.

Alistair, an old friend of Carlisle's, clapped him on the shoulder. "I don't envy you the next six months of your life, son. You keep your head up until you graduate, and then get the hell out of this town as fast as you can. There's a better world out there for you and your boyfriend."

But so many overheard conversations or comments directed right at one or all of them were biting or maddening in ways Edward didn't even know how to deal with.

"Dr. and Mrs. Cullen are such good people, it makes you wonder how their son could turn out so wrong."

"You should think about your choices, kid. You should think about where you're headed after this life."

"Such a shame."

"Those boys got a little too overzealous," Mr. Marshall said, waving his hand. "I'm sure they've learned their lesson. You should let them come back to school."

"It'd serve them all right if, when those boys beat those ridiculous charges, that whole family gets what's coming to them."

"Dad," Edward said urgently, grabbing Carlisle's wrist and tugging him closer. "We have to go. We have to go right now."

His throat was closing, his lungs tightening, and he was beginning to see stars in his vision. All Edward knew was he had to be away from this store, away from these people, immediately. Maybe sooner. His heart was beating far too fast.

"Okay," Carlisle said soothingly.

Alice didn't say anything, but she took Edward's hand, squeezing tightly. Edward, Carlisle, and Alice headed out of the store while Emmett and Esme went to ring up their purchases. Carlisle kept his hand on Edward's shoulders, guiding him forward. It was good because Edward found he couldn't look up. It was all he could do to keep himself from hyperventilating.

"Oh, good. I think they're leaving."

Carlisle suddenly swung around, turning to face D.J. Garrett's mother whose name Edward had forgotten.

"My son tutored your son last year. Do you remember? Do you remember how you were so grateful because D.J. would have failed without him?"

"Dad." Edward's voice came out as a whine. He needed to be out of there.

"I don't like to think of what your son could have said to mine. I trusted him. Alone. In his room." Mrs. Garrett sounded upset.

"Dad," Edward pleaded.

Carlisle blew out a frustrated breath, but his hand returned to Edward's shoulders.

They managed to make it to the car without further incident. Edward sat heavily, hunching over as he drew in deep breaths, trying to calm down. He was shaking, fear making it difficult to think at all. He flinched with an onslaught of memories he didn't want, memories of being surrounded, of fists, of boots.

Memories of unrelenting pain.

"Dad, what's going on?" Alice asked, her voice strained. "Do we need to call an ambulance or something?"

"No. I think it's just a panic attack. He'll be fine. Do you hear me, son? You're fine. You're just fine. Just keep breathing."

Carlisle was rubbing his back now in circles.

A millennia seemed to pass, but Edward's breathing slowed. The panic gave way to frustration and shame.

By then, Esme and Emmett were there too. His whole family was gathered around him.

Esme took the seat next to him when he wouldn't look up. She put her gentle hands under his chin, tilting his head toward her. "I wish I could bear this for you, Edward. You don't know how much I wish that."

He let his mother hug him, rocking him like he was a little child again. "I know," he said in a whisper.

"Maybe it's time to consider what Zafrina recommended," Carlisle suggested gently.

Edward bristled. "No," he said flatly. They'd already had this discussion. Multiple times.

"This is so much to deal with, Edward. You would benefit from therapy, and the medication could-"

"Benjamin isn't going to get therapy or meds," he snapped. "You think he isn't just as fucked up about all this as I am?" He took a deep, steadying breath. "If he has to live like that, I can, too."

"Have you told him you're refusing therapy as a show of solidarity?" Alice challenged him, narrowing her eyes.

Edward looked down.

"Yeah." Alice hunkered down in the front seat, a little huffy. Obviously his panic attack had frightened her.

Honestly, it scared the hell out of him, too. He still felt shaky and wrecked.

Esme ran her fingers through his hair. "You can't help him by not helping yourself," she said softly.

Edward just sighed, resting his head against the back of the seat, staring up at nothing. He hated this. He was so angry at the world and exhausted.

Why did this make him so different?

"Can we go home now?" He still felt too vulnerable out here in the open. He touched Benjamin's necklace, reminding himself he was safer than he felt.

"Of course."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: As-hoo, ya habeeby - Wake up, my love. Ahlam gameel - sweet dreams, and you're gonna have to wait on ya omry.  
> Thanks to jessypt, barburella, and songster for all their help!  
> How we doing out there? I know there was a lot of sour in this chap.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Okay... *holds hands* This is not the easiest chappy.

This was a bad idea. The only reason Edward didn't say so was it allowed him to see Benjamin, and who knew when that would happen again.

They were starting back at school the next day, and they were both more terrified than either of them wanted to admit. They wanted to present a united front. They wanted to arrive at school together, but Benjamin's parents were being assholes about the whole situation. Now that they were caught up at school, they didn't want Benjamin interacting with Edward at all.

Esme, in that way of hers, had convinced Amun and Kebi to have dinner with the Cullens to try and convince them to let Emmett give him a ride to school.

"Mrs. Cullen - Esme - I just don't see the necessity," Amun said firmly. "He can take the bus as he did before."

Carlisle and Esme looked at each other. Carlisle cleared his throat, forcing a smile. "After what happened, don't you think it would be better to test the waters first before you put him on a bus alone with the other students?"

Amun looked down at the plate and then back up, folding his hands on the table. "This is part of growing up, is it not? If he is uncomfortable, it's no one's fault but his own. I will not shelter him from the fallout of his own mistakes."

Edward ground his teeth, doing his best not to glare. He kept his hand on Benjamin's knee.

Benjamin was staring down, his face devoid of any emotion.

"Mistakes, he-"

Carlisle put a hand on Esme's arm, and she took a deep breath, trying again. "There's a big difference between sheltering and protecting."

"He will learn to be a man."

This time, Carlisle did interrupt. "You make it sound like you believe he should have been able to fight off five other boys."

Amun's expression was scathing. "I believe he should be able to accept the consequences of his perversions."

" _Kefaya_!" Benjamin suddenly cried, banging his hand on the table.

Everyone jumped. Edward looked over to find Benjamin's face twisted into something that was part anger but mostly a kind of torment he couldn't even begin to comprehend. He looked at his father, his tone pleading though Edward, of course, had no earthly idea what he was saying. " _Yakrahoony lay?_ "

The expression on Amun's face only hardened, but before he could answer, Kebi interjected, one hand on her husband's arm. " _Abuk mish akrahok_ ,  _ibny_ ," she spoke softly but quickly. " _Keyaratuk_ -"

"My choices. My choices?" Benjamin laughed, the sound slightly maniacal.

Edward reached up, grabbing his hand. The other boy looked over at him, and the slightly deranged edge faded from his eyes. He bowed his head, holding Edward's hand in both of his for a long moment.

When he looked up again, his voice was much calmer. "Things are different now than they were before. Now, if I had a choice, I would choose to be this way, because I'm happy. In so many ways, I'm so happy."

He squeezed Edward's hand, in case there was any doubt what he was talking about. Edward squeezed back.

"But before, Mother? You think about what my life has been like. You remember how it's been for years. You remember how long it's been since you,  _my mother,_ hugged me or even looked me in the eyes. You remember how you would turn your head away when he would beat me?"

Esme gasped.

"Benjamin." The way Amun said his son's name was a warning that sent chills down Edward's spine.

But Benjamin wasn't nearly done. "You think this was what I wanted? To be so different? For the other kids to stare and talk behind my back? You think I didn't know it would be even worse this year, in this stupid little town where I would be an outcast anyway because of the color of my skin? You think I chose this every single day, when they were saying cruel things or pushing me to the ground?

"I will tell you the only choice I had." He stood, his movements rough as he took off his jacket and then rolled up the sleeve of his shirt all the way to his shoulder.

Edward gave a startled cry when he saw the row of stripes, old scars that ran in neat lines, like hash marks, from Benjamin's shoulder down almost to his elbow.

"This was my choice." Benjamin's voice was maddeningly calm. "And every night, I would think maybe tonight. Maybe tonight I will end it. That was my choice, too."

"Benjamin," Kebi whispered.

"You think it doesn't hurt every day? You think I would choose for you not to love me?"

The air in the room felt thick. Alice and Emmett were looking anywhere but up. Carlisle was staring at Amun. Esme was looking at Benjamin, her face etched with pain.

And Edward...

Edward couldn't remember how to breathe. Benjamin's words kept echoing in his head.

_Maybe tonight I will end it._

Amun huffed. "You are a dramatic child. What you do - it's unnatural."

"What's unnatural is a parent who doesn't want to protect their child," Esme snapped, her voice shaking with emotion.

"He got what he was looking for," Amun argued. "He got exactly what was to be expected. I'm sorry your son got hurt, but he should not have interfered."

Edward couldn't sit still anymore. He pushed himself to his feet, tugging Benjamin up with him. Benjamin stood, stumbling where Edward pulled him.

"Benjamin," Amun snapped. "We're leaving."

" _Terek lehoo waheda_ , Amun," Kebi said, her voice still soft. She looked to Carlisle. "Can he stay? Tonight?"

"Kebi," Amun growled.

"Of course," Carlisle said, not looking at Amun at all. "Your son is always welcome here."

"Come on," Edward said in Benjamin's ear. His face had gone ashen again.

Benjamin followed him, leaving the adults behind to continue arguing.

They were both too shaky to continue before they could get all the way up the stairs.

Benjamin's legs gave out first about five steps up. All his breath left him in a gust, and he sat heavily, pulling Edward down with him.

Edward cupped his hand over Benjamin's shoulder. "Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded in a harsh whisper. When the other boy didn't answer, he gave him a little shake. "Why?"

"Because after you, it was better." Benjamin said the words to the floor. "You don't know,  _ya omry_. You have no idea how different things were before you." He sighed. "There was Ben and Angela, but it was different." He lifted his head, his eyes huge and full of unshed tears. "When you offered me a ride home, when you started bringing me here, I felt human again." He rubbed his arms self-consciously. "I didn't want you to know. I didn't want you to think less of me."

Edward's thoughts swam.

He remembered how confident Benjamin seemed back then - before they were friends. He tried to imagine the kind of strength it took to keep his head tall when his peers hated him, and his parents told him day after day, year after year, that he was an abomination.

It made a terrible kind of sense. When Edward tried to wrap his head around the things his peers, his teammates, the town were saying about him and Benjamin, he ached in a way that was utterly maddening. It was a pain that burned in his blood, a pain that made him feel twisted and hideous. He could understand how the pain of a razor cutting skin might feel better than that, how it might have been a relief.

Edward wrapped his arms around Benjamin, pulling him closer. "E..." He closed his mouth, swallowing hard. " _Enta gameel, ya habeeby_ ," he said hesitantly, hoping he wasn't slaughtering the pronunciation.

Benjamin shook in his arms, his breath stuttering.

"They're ugly. Your parents. All the people who say stupid things. They're so ugly."

Benjamin's breath hitched.

Pulling the other boy's shirt down off his shoulder, Edward pressed a kiss to each of the neat lines.

"You don't think they're ugly?" Benjamin asked, his voice trembling.

"No." He kissed Benjamin's cheek.

Benjamin clung to him, shaking and crying softly as Edward rubbed his back and kissed the top of his head.

**_~0~_ **

The closer they got to the school, the bigger the lump in his throat got.

"It's going to be okay," Alice said, twisting around to face Edward and Benjamin in the backseat. "No one's going to touch you. They'd be stupid to try."

Edward closed his eyes, resting his forehead against the cool window, trying not to hyperventilate. He flinched, because he was remembering the locker room. In gory. Vivid. Detail.

They pulled up to the edge of the parking lot. It was pretty late, so the rush was almost over.

Emmett drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. "Okay. Just remember, if anything happens, anything at all, call me. Or Mom. Or Dad. We'll come get you."

"Yeah," Edward mumbled. He reached behind him across the seat and took his hand.

"You're both gonna be fine," he said.

"Yeah," Edward said again, because it was all he could manage.

People were staring, whispering to each other.

Some of them were curious.

Some of them were sneering.

Benjamin's hand was damp in his.

Alice got out and waited, peering in the window at them.

"Hey," Bella said, suddenly appearing outside the car. She smiled.

Before Edward could formulate a response, Jasper appeared over her shoulder.

And then Ben.

And Angela.

Edward wanted to cry again, but for good reasons this time. They had support. They had love.

He squeezed Benjamin's hand, tugging him with him out of the car.

They had each other.

"You guys got this," Emmett said. "Remember, if anyone gives you any crap, whack 'em with your cane."

He was kidding, mostly, but his joke fell on deaf ears.

Edward wanted to say his fear faded away, but it didn't. He wanted to say he could stand up proud and tall, but he couldn't. Even surrounded by his sister and his friends, he felt intensely vulnerable. Edward was more than a little ashamed to note that if he'd thought it would make a difference, he wouldn't be holding Benjamin's hand.

But that ship had sailed. Everyone knew they were together. They might as well get what comfort they could out of it.

They all heard the whispers.

"Faggots."

"Queers."

Really, the words didn't matter. It was the way they were said. With disgust. With contempt. With derision. Those words wouldn't be so cutting without the intent behind them.

Edward didn't look up. Out of his periphery, he saw Benjamin didn't either. It was more than enough that they kept putting one foot in front of the other. That feat in and of itself was incredible given how badly they were both shaking.

He hated how weak he felt.

But they did make it to their first classes.

In English, DJ Garrett hissed in his ear. "Hey, Cullen. I heard your girlfriend begged to suck Felix's cock. Is that true? Is that why you did it?"

Mr. Berty came in then, and DJ backed off. Edward's skin was still crawling, and he didn't hear a word his teacher said all class period. He had to grip Banjamin's necklace to keep himself rooted in the present at all.

Safe. He was safer than he felt.

He never turned around to look at DJ either.

When the bell rang, Bella fell into step beside him. They passed by Benjamin's class, and the three of them made their way together through the hall.

"The boys kicked their asses because they found pictures of all of us in the locker room," someone whispered just loud enough for them to hear.

And so the day went. Whether they'd planned it or it just worked out that way, Alice or one of their friends was always there to walk with them to their next class. Most of the time, Edward was able to at least see with his own two eyes that Benjamin was making it through his day before he had to go off in the other direction.

A lot of people stared. They both got a lot of snide comments. But as Alice predicted, no one actually laid a finger on them. Too risky, someone remarked.

"Can't lay a finger on the little Princesses. You breathe on them wrong and you'll end up in prison."

It felt as though centuries went by before it was finally lunch.

"Hey." Bella caught Edward by the arm before he could run off. He'd already secured her keys. He and Benjamin were going to hide in her truck for lunch - a small respite.

For the first time all day, Edward looked up. It took what little remained of his strength to do it. He felt ashamed. He didn't feel worthy enough to look in her eyes because he'd been bowed, conquered. He was filthy and crippled and weak. He'd been crying off and on all day, and he knew she could see it.

But of course, Bella's eyes, bloodshot with the remnants of her own tears, were not pitying or disgusted. She hugged him tight. "Not today, not tomorrow, but someday soon I'm going to push you to join us at lunch. Just for the record."

The idea made him dizzy, but he nodded. "Okay," he agreed.

She squeezed him tight one more time before she let him go. "I love you."

Benjamin caught up with him then, and they slipped out the side door, hurrying as quickly as Edward could hobble to Bella's truck. Once there, they slunk down in their seats, as if they could melt away and not have to face this part of their lives.

It got better. They both knew it did. They both knew things weren't like this everywhere, that the rest of their lives wouldn't be like this. It was this town, this time, these people. They lived in a state where they could get married one day for fuck's sake. Forks was just a little behind the rest of the state, that was all.

They knew these things, but that day, their whole world was painted various shades of horrible, and it was hard to see the forest for the trees.

They were both quiet for long minutes, their fingers touching on the bucket seat between them.

"Mrs. Goff was being  _too_ nice, you know?" Benjamin finally offered.

"Yeah," Edward agreed. "Like she was making a point of it." She'd stuttered a lot when she talked to him, too.

He paused, playing with Benjamin's fingers idly. "This sucks," he said in a shaky voice. He was on the verge of crying again.

Edward was so sick of crying.

Beside him, Benjamin sniffled, obviously in the same boat. "We should run away."

"You think?"

Benjamin pursed his lips. "I wish." His tone was wistful, broken.

Edward thought the hardest thing he ever did was walking into that school that morning. Walking back after escaping for lunch proved nearly impossible.

June Richardson "accidentally" stuck her foot out, sweeping Edward's cane out from under him and spilling him onto the ground.

"Oops," she said nonchalantly.

He'd always thought June was sweet.

What was it about the thought he liked boys that changed everything, that rewrote who he'd been to these kids all his life?

Tumbling to the floor had brought on a panic attack, and the hallway had emptied except for Edward, Benjamin, and Alice. That was where the principal, Mr. Greene, found them.

"Come on, son," he said gently, reaching out a hand.

Edward flinched backward, but stayed steady, waiting. After a prolonged minute, when Edward could convince his logical mind the man had no intention of hurting him, he took the offered hand.

"Go on to class, Miss Cullen. I'll take care of Benjamin and your brother."

Alice looked at Edward questioningly. He had just enough presence of mind to nod, not wanting to get his sister in trouble.

"Do you need to go to the nurse?" Mr. Greene asked Edward.

Staring down at his toes, Edward considered this for a minute. He felt shakier even than before. The vice grip around his chest and heart had lessened, but it wasn't gone. His skin was clammy.

Still, he shook his head, not knowing if he was in trouble. "No, sir."

"Okay. Why don't you boys come to my office."

Edward swallowed hard. "Sir, we-"

"You're not in trouble."

They followed after the principal, fingers brushing though they didn't dare hold hands.

Principal Greene asked about how Edward had ended up on the floor. Edward lied,

and, perhaps following his lead, Benjamin corroborated his story.

"It was an accident," Edward said to the ground. "I just... I freak out sometimes." His cheeks flamed.

"That's understandable after what you've been through." The principal's voice was uncharacteristically gentle. He sighed. "You boys remember what I told you, right? You know you can come to me, to the teachers if things are getting out of hand."

Edward could have snorted. He hadn't looked up to see the reactions of his teachers, but he remembered Coach Clapp - the teacher he'd spent the most time with by far - and how he couldn't look him in the eye. Maybe legally the other teachers were required to keep their door open, but that didn't necessarily mean they wanted to. "Yes, sir," he chorused with Benjamin anyway.

The man coughed, as though he were searching for words he didn't have. "Well, why don't you boys take it easy the rest of the day? Anyway, we should talk about what you'll be doing to replace your P.E. credit."

**_~0~_ **

When they finally got home, Edward and Benjamin were both exhausted. They'd ignored everyone, ignored offers of dinner, and had fallen asleep on top of Edward's bed for hours. Even after they woke up, they were both stuck in a quiet, listless space. They had no appetites.

Edward was only glad Benjamin's parents had agreed to let him stay over for at least the first week. At least he didn't have to worry that on top of the awful day they'd had, Benjamin had to go home to them. Edward's family was loving. Emmett tried to joke with them. Alice tried to talk about anything other than the elephant in the room. Esme kissed and hugged them. Carlisle told them he was proud. And while neither of the boys had the energy to say it, Edward knew Benjamin was as grateful as he was that this house meant safety and love.

The idea of having to do this for another five months or so felt so impossible.

Edward lay awake in the middle of the night, his eyes open but mostly unseeing as he tried to find any semblance of strength inside him. He wanted so much to be strong again. He wanted to hold his head high. He wanted to believe his mother's words when she told him there was nothing wrong with him.

No matter what his logical mind told him, he felt so very wrong.

His door came open so slow and soft, Edward almost didn't hear it. He turned his head, his eyes adjusted to the darkness enough to see Benjamin peering in at him. " _Habeeby?"_ he whispered.

Edward extended his hand, and Benjamin climbed into bed with him. They said nothing but shifted until they were cuddling, snuggled under the blankets. Benjamin worked his hand up under his shirt, resting his fingers over the scar on his side. Edward let his fingertips trace the scars above the other boy's elbow.

"Do you regret it?" Benjamin asked.

"What?"

"Stopping those boys. None of this would be happening to-"

"Don't be stupid," Edward snapped.

"It's not stupid. Your life wouldn't be like this if you hadn't."

"Well, I don't regret it." He shuddered, thinking about what could have been if he hadn't gone to find Benjamin. "I won't regret you. Not ever."

The other boy said nothing, but he tucked his head under Edward's chin.

They lay together quietly, lost in thought but together. Before he fell asleep, Edward thought there was some strength in the knowledge, the absolute certainty, that if he had it all to do over again, he would. In a heartbeat.

And maybe that tiny shred of strength was what he needed to get him through the next day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yakrahoony lay? - Why do you hate me?  
> Kefaya! - Enough!  
> Abuk la akrahok. - Your father doesn't hate you.  
> Keyaratuk - Your choices.  
> Terek lehoo waheda - Leave him be.  
> How are we doing, kids? So many thanks to jessypt and barburella and songster.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: *hugs all you* I hug you, you hug my boys, k? K.

It got easier, but it also got harder.

The bitterest pill to swallow was the knowledge that things would have been as bad if Edward and Benjamin were just a couple. They might have gotten away with a few half-hearted slurs as they passed in the hallways and perhaps a shove here and there. Benjamin had withstood that easily enough.

As if anyone should have to put up with that kind of harassment and be glad about it.

But Edward and Benjamin had the nerve not to take their beatings quietly. The poor boys who'd only been meting out due justice were facing a world of trouble because the queers dared to exist in their placid town. It didn't seem to matter to most of them that Edward came very close to dying, that he'd been hospitalized for weeks, and very nearly crippled. It didn't seem to matter that Benjamin had been sexually assaulted, and that those boys' intentions were so much more heinous than anything Benjamin had ever thought of.

"They think I deserve it," Benjamin had whispered to Edward one day. "I'm a virgin. I've never let anyone touch me like that, but they tell me I deserve to have my choice taken away from me. That I deserve to have someone hurt me."

It was maddening, but week by week, it got better. The other students got bored of saying the same thing over and over. Edward and Benjamin both got better at anticipating when someone was going to get clumsy and "accidentally" bump into them. They were ostracized and generally reviled, but it wasn't the all out war zone it had been the first couple of weeks.

Worse for Edward was the psychological aspect. He didn't want to be scared, but he was. All the time. All the stores he'd frequented, all the places he'd gone freely all his life, seemed barred to him now. People stared. Adults who'd known him since birth told him he was going to hell. Others tore him to shreds for selfishly destroying the lives of five good boys.

Once an outgoing, confident boy, Edward felt like a shell of his former self these days. As much as he told himself they were all assholes and so wrong, bits and pieces of his self-esteem were being chipped away. Each unkind word, each vicious shove, each judgmental glare was reinforcing the idea in his head that he was wrong, bad, ugly.

It wasn't to say they didn't have allies. Cora, a waitress at the diner, quietly slid a slice of Edward's favorite pie to him, free of charge, when he was out to dinner with his family. One of his teachers pulled him aside to tell him, "This too shall pass."

"People are cowards," his mother fumed one day. "They know how wrong this is, but they won't speak up because they're afraid."

As bitter as he was, Edward couldn't say he blamed them.

Worse, for Benjamin, was the situation with his parents.

His mother had been badly shaken by Benjamin's admission that he'd been self-harming and suicidal. She was trying to find a middle ground because everything she'd learned told her Benjamin was wrong. Bad. Her intolerance was reinforced by her family, her religion. But at the same time, she was a mother, and she loved her son. She began to defy Amun's rigid view. They argued. A lot.

Caught in the middle, Benjamin was restricted from seeing Edward outside of school more often than not. He was miserable, and Edward was furious in his helplessness.

January gradually gave way to February.

Edward was sitting at the dinner table with his family, pushing his food around his plate listlessly. Knowing his mother was staring, worried, he forced himself to take a bite. Though he was sure it was delicious, it was the hardest thing in the world to swallow it down. His weight was getting dangerously low, but he couldn't seem to find his appetite at all these last few months.

Before he could force down another bite, there was a frantic knocking at the door. Edward pushed himself up from the table, his stomach already twisting. By then, he could move quite a bit better, faster, and so he beat his mother to the front door.

Something was wrong. He knew it in the marrow of his bones.

When he opened the door, he could see instantly he was right.

Benjamin stood there looking bedraggled and utterly miserable. He was soaked and shivering. And crying.

"What happened? Come here." Edward pulled him inside and wrapped his arms around the other boy, not caring that he was getting soaked in the process. "Benji? What is it? What happened?"

Benjamin tried to speak but between his sobs and the shivers that wracked his body, only a word here and there was intelligible.

Carlisle and Esme took over. Esme wrapped Benjamin and Edward both in towels and a blanket. Carlisle sent Alice upstairs to get them both some dry clothes.

"Hush, honey. Calm down. Calm down, so you can tell us what happened," Esme soothed, rubbing Benjamin's back.

Edward was going out of his mind with worry. He'd never seen Benjamin like this. It wasn't at all like the other time he'd seen him cry - quietly on the steps because his father's intolerance hurt too much to keep the tears at bay.

Slowly, though, Benjamin calmed. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. He was still shivering violently.

"You're fine, sweetheart," Esme said.

"Change into something warm. Both of you," Carlisle directed gently. "Then tell us what's wrong."

Reluctantly, Edward let go of Benjamin long enough to get changed. He had to admit his boyfriend looked a lot better when he got back to the living room. His hair was still wild and damp, but he looked more in control of himself. He clung to Edward's hand as they sat down on the couch. Esme sat on his other side, and Carlisle in the armchair. Edward was aware Alice was hovering, but his attention was on Benjamin.

He still hadn't looked up.

It took Benjamin several tries before he could find the right words. "My father... he took Tia to the vet today." His shoulders rose and fell sharply as he breathed deep, trying not to cry again. "They found a problem. It's... It was a correctable problem, but... but..."

Edward felt sick. He had a horrible feeling he knew where this was going.

Benjamin rallied, spitting out the words. "He had her put down. He had my Tia put down."

No wonder he'd been such a mess. Tia was the only thing that had kept him sane for who knew how long.

"I told him. I told him I would have done anything; I would have found a way to pay for what she needed, but he said I abandoned her easily enough when I was in Seattle. He said I gave up my right to have a say in what happened to her."

"Oh, sweetheart." Esme pulled him into her embrace, crying herself. "That's horrible. That's..."

"That's detestable," Carlisle filled in, his tone rough.

Benjamin's voice was shaky and small when he spoke again. "I'm sorry for just showing up here. I had to get out of there."

"Of course you did," Carlisle said.

"I didn't even go back for my phone. I..." He hung his head. "I wanted to hit him. My father. I wanted to hit him so bad."

Edward had to bite back his snarl. He wanted to say Benjamin should have laid his father out, but it wasn't going to help any.

"You're only human," Carlisle told him instead, reaching out to squeeze his knee in a fatherly gesture.

The rest of the family left Edward and Benjamin alone in the living room while Esme called his parents. She didn't ask. She informed them Benjamin needed some time away from them in a tone that dared them to argue. Apparently, they did not.

Edward stayed with Benjamin, his arms wrapped around him, rocking him and telling him over and over again, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

When his parents came back, it was Carlisle who sat on Benjamin's other side. "Your father is very misguided, Benjamin."

Edward snorted derisively, but Carlisle gave him a look that warned him to keep quiet.

"I think, in his heart of hearts, he thinks he's doing you a service by showing you what your choices can cost you. I think he's lashing out because he knows he can't control you, and he very much wants to."

"And my mother," Benjamin mumbled, wiping at his eyes. "He said that. He cursed me for taking away his son and now his wife."

Carlisle cupped his cheek and called his name quietly. "Your father is wrong," he said firmly when Benjamin finally looked up. "And the real shame of it is, he's so busy holding on to who he thinks you should be, he doesn't see what a wonderful, beautiful son he has."

"I..." Benjamin stumbled. Edward could tell he was touched. His eyes watered again, and he bowed his head for different reasons now.

"Honestly, Benjamin. I don't know how much it means coming from me, but I'm so proud of you. You've been through so much, and other people would have broken. You're very strong."

Benjamin didn't say anything, but he hugged Carlisle, obviously overcome with emotion.

In that moment, Edward loved his parents so much, he could hardly stand it. He didn't think there was anything he could do that would have made them act as Benjamin's parents had, but he was their own son. What they were doing for Benjamin, giving him the parental acceptance and love he was so desperate for, was beyond anything Edward could have expected. He knew just how badly Benjamin needed that kind of affection. He knew it wasn't something he could offer up himself, so he was grateful.

Carlisle and Esme talked to Benjamin about a plan they'd been talking about for some weeks now. They were worried for both boys, knowing life in Forks was miserable on the best day. Edward wouldn't leave Benjamin, and they didn't want to leave him either.

Amun had already warned Benjamin that if he tried to run away to the Cullens' home, he would just have the police bring him back. As Benjamin's father, he had that right. The Cullens couldn't keep Benjamin while he was still underage. But Benjamin would turn eighteen only a few days after his Senior year began.

They wanted to move to Seattle, and they wanted Benjamin to come with them the day he turned eighteen.

Benjamin was speechless.

"You don't have to answer right away. Just think about it."

Turning his head so his lips were near Benjamin's ear, Edward whispered, "I won't leave you here alone either way."

Benjamin was quiet most of the rest of the evening. Esme coaxed some dinner into both the boys. Alice hugged them more than usual.

They retreated to Edward's room where Benjamin seemed to want nothing more than to cuddle. Edward wasn't about to deny him that. He held him while he grieved again for his precious Tia. He stroked his hair while he worked through the last few hours of his life in his own head.

After a while, Benjamin untangled himself from Edward slightly. He took his hands, the expression on his face slightly more thoughtful than tortured. He kept his eyes on their joined hands, rubbing his thumb over Edward's knuckles over and over and over again. His brows were knitted, and the way his mouth moved, Edward thought he might be biting his cheek.

"Tell me what you're thinking," he finally requested.

The other boy's eyes lifted slowly. "I am thinking too much." His voice was quiet, heavy, and Edward instantly shifted closer, trying to comfort Benjamin with his nearness.

"Tell me."

Benjamin sighed, his eyes dropping. "I wonder sometimes if we would be as... close as we are if this... thing hadn't happened to us."

"What are you talking about?"

"You've already put off going to school for me," Benjamin hedged.

"That's not true. Not really." Edward shook his head. They'd been over this. "I should have applied to UDub, that's all. It was stupid of me not to."

Benjamin pinned him with a glare. "If it wasn't for me, you'd be going to one of the other schools you got into."

Edward's heart twisted. It was true, but the idea of leaving Benjamin behind to deal with all this on his own was not an option.

But before they could get into another argument over that topic, Benjamin continued. "Now you're suggesting that we move in together before I'm even out of high school. It's a little heavy."

Edward sucked in a breath. "I didn't... I mean..."

"I know you didn't mean it that way," Benjamin said quickly.

"It's the only thing I can think of. You can't stay here, and your parents-"

" _Habeeby_." He put a hand over Edward's mouth. "It's practical. I know this. But that is beside the point. You're my boyfriend, and we'll be moving in together. It is what it is, and it's..." He trailed off, searching for the right word. "It's more of a commitment than you would make under normal circumstances."

Edward worried his lip between his teeth, a little nervous now that Benjamin had brought it up. His only goal to that point was to protect his boyfriend however he could. He hadn't thought of the realities of the situation, that they were, essentially, committing very young. Too young, by some standards. It made Edward a little dizzy when he thought about it that way.

Benjamin sighed again, taking his hand and beginning to play with his fingers. He attempted a smile. "It's ironic, isn't it, that by being so much against you and I being together, my parents have only pushed us closer. My father... he would always lecture me about the way I had profaned my body." He ducked his head even though they were mostly cloaked in darkness. "You are the only one I've ever touched, the only one I've ever even kissed. Did you know that?"

Slowly, Edward shook his head. He'd wondered, he'd supposed, but he hadn't asked. He swallowed hard, scrambling for the right words, but he couldn't find them.

It didn't matter, though. Benjamin wasn't done talking. " _Ana bahebuk_ , Edward," he whispered, and though Edward didn't know what it meant, he could hear the intent behind the words. They were adoring words, good words. A pledge, perhaps. "I want this, all of this, with you. I've felt that way for almost as long as I've known you, but I wonder how much of this, of us, exists because it's us against the world right now."

In all the mess that their lives had been since the attack, Edward hadn't really thought out the extent of what he felt for the boy in his bed. His thoughts were being pulled in so many different directions, he had been accepting the good without question. He liked kissing Benjamin. He liked holding him like this, and when Benjamin held him. He liked the sweet words Benjamin often whispered to him, the affectionate pet names, better somehow because he murmured them in Arabic.

More than liking the pleasure Benjamin brought, Edward liked Benjamin himself. He was kind, strong, and fun to be around. Those feelings had only deepened since the attack.

When it was tiring enough to think about getting through the next week, Edward hadn't put much thought into the future. It was a vague place he couldn't quite conceptualize yet, not when it felt like the hell they were going through now would last forever.

He closed and opened his mouth several times before he could formulate a coherent sentence. "What does  _ana bahebuk,"_ he stumbled over the unfamiliar words, "mean?"

Benjamin's fingers flexed around his. He didn't answer right away. When he did, his voice was soft, shy. "It means I love you."

Despite the heaviness of the evening, the enormity of what they were saying to each other, Edward couldn't contain his grin. His heart was pounding wildly. He hitched his leg over Benjamin's, curling closer to him as he searched for the right words. "I love you, too," he said softly. "And I know it's all you, because I loved you before all this bullshit. I love you  _more_ because of it, because you're strong and you make me stronger.

"I don't know how to answer your question. I don't know how we would have turned out if they'd left us alone. They didn't, and we're here now." Edward rolled onto his side, spreading his hand over Benjamin's chest and smiled. "I love you. Isn't that enough?"

Benjamin's smile was as huge as Edward's had been just a minute before. "Yes,  _ya omry_. That makes all of this worth it."

Edward didn't think he would go that far, but honestly, he wanted to stop thinking about all the bad. What he had here with Benjamin, whether it would last forever or not, made him very happy, and he wanted to disappear into that emotion for just a little while.

He lowered his head, capturing Benjamin's lips in a kiss. This wasn't a soft kiss but a seeking one. It built quickly - a fire stoked by the dry, arid landscape. It took nothing at all before Edward found himself draped over Benjamin, their shirts off, their lips moving together, and their bodies pressing into each other.

Benjamin broke their fervent kiss with a gasp. "I want." He panted and licked his lips. "I want..."

Too far gone to stop even for air, Edward had kissed his way down to Benjamin's neck. He bit the skin there lightly, revelling in the way Benjamin wiggled beneath him. "What do you want?" he asked finally.

"What?" Benjamin sounded as though he'd honestly forgotten.

"You said you want." Edward kissed the underside of his chin. "So tell me. What do you want?" Right then, Edward would have given him anything. They were in love, and that was a good thing. A great thing. And the way Benjamin's body was brushing against his was a fan-fucking-tastic thing.

Without warning, Benjamin shifted them, pinning Edward beneath him. He took Edward's hands in his, pinning them up by his head. Edward gasped in surprise and stifled a moan as Benjamin's hips ground against his. The other boy dipped his head. "Do you like this?"

"Yes." That was a stupid question if ever Edward had heard one. He would have told Benjamin so except he was shocked into near silence.

The way Benjamin was moving over him now, grinding, sliding, was hands down the most erotic thing Edward had ever experienced. He thought back to a bit before when Benjamin had said Edward was the first and only person he'd ever touched. Well, he didn't seem new at this. He seemed to know exactly what he was doing.

"This is what I want," Benjamin whispered in a low tone that went straight to Edward's cock. "I want you." He thrust forward, and Edward found his legs spreading. "I want to be inside you."

Edward felt dizzy and breathless.

With the touching they'd been doing, it wasn't as though Edward hadn't thought about sex. Actually, he'd thought about it quite a lot.

It was one more thing that was a big deal for reasons Edward couldn't quite work out logically. Wasn't that what so many were obsessed with?  _Where_  do you want to put your cock? A man wanting a cock in him?

Unnatural.

Wrong.

But what a strange label that was. Edward had seen enough porn to understand that different things worked for different people. The way he was feeling now, so connected to Benjamin, so part of him, the idea of accepting his boyfriend into his body was arousing. Yes, it was a little scary, but mostly arousing.

He could give Benjamin this. Especially after the day he'd had, he could give up a little control to give the other boy what he wanted. Edward wanted to be intimate with him.

Benjamin had stilled over him. " _Habeeby_? I didn't mean... We don't have-"

Edward reached up, cupping the back of Benjamin's head and pulling him down for another kiss. "I want to," he said against his lips.

"Really?" Benjamin had suddenly gone from suave to excitable. He grinned. "That's fuckawesome."

Edward rolled his eyes hard. "You're lucky I love you."

Benjamin kissed him, a tender, sweet kiss. "This is true," he murmured.

It was awkward, but it was also perfect as far as first times went. They'd both suddenly turned into shy schoolboys, stuttering and mumbling. Edward's hands shook when he fished the lube out of his drawer.

"We don't... need anything, do we? To be safe?" Benjamin asked.

"Hmm." Edward was trying to cover his nerves with bravado. "Well, you're a virgin. And I'm a virgin."

"Yeah."

"And if you had any contractible diseases, that ship probably would have sailed with all those tongue kisses."

Benjamin laughed. "I suppose."

"And I'm on the pill, so no babies for us."

Now Benjamin straight out guffawed. He wrapped his arms around Edward, tackling him back onto the bed. "You think you're funny."

"Looks aren't everything."

Benjamin silenced him with a kiss.

They both giggled a little, caught up in the nervousness and elation of the moment. But those titters faded into soft moans. Their hands were roaming, caressing.

Edward's hands were trembling ever so slightly as he tugged Benjamin's sweatpants down. A few more kisses, and his pants were gone too. They were naked together, cocks brushing as their tongues mingled.

Benjamin rolled over onto his knees between Edward's legs. "I will take care of you,  _habeeby,"_  he promised as he gently squeezed Edward's balls, cupping and massaging.

With Benjamin's hands moving over him like that, Edward's body writhed, seeking his touch. His breath caught when the other boy pressed the tip of his lube-slicked finger to Edward's entrance. "Are you okay?" he asked as he pushed inside him with a finger.

"Holy fuck," Edward breathed. "Yeah. That's... Yeah. Keep going."

Benjamin worked him with one finger, then two. He experimented with speed and depth, murmuring encouraging words every time he could make Edward's body buck or make him gasp.

"I'm good, baby. It's good. I need you. I want you," Edward murmured urgently. It was frightening how intense his need was. He wanted Benjamin inside him. He wanted to feel him.

Benjamin gripped him tight along the undersides of his legs, pushing his knees backward. "You want me?"

"Yes. Please."

"Since you asked so politely." Benjamin was teasing, but there was a quiver to his voice. He was, like Edward, nervous, but eager. "You'll tell me," he said, pressing the head of his cock against Edward's entrance. "You'll tell me if you-"

"Yes," Edward interrupted. He pulled Benjamin's face down to his.

They were kissing when Benjamin slid, inch by inch, into him. Edward broke the kiss after a moment, breathing through the sting, the odd feeling of being stretched. He clung to Benjamin, tensing and relaxing.

"You're okay?" Benjamin asked, his breath hot against Edward's cheek.

"Yeah," Edward whispered back. "It's good. It's... really good."

It was. Not in the way he would have expected. It wasn't a pure pleasure, though the sensations along his nerve endings were unreal. Yes, there was pain, but it was a good ache.

And he did like this. He liked the intimacy instantly.

When he opened his eyes, finding Benjamin looking down on him with love and adoration, it was the best.

It didn't last long. They were teenage boys and this was so new to both of them. It was far from graceful, but that was fine. They had time, after all.

When Benjamin curled up against him, sleepy and sated, nude and warm against his skin, Edward caught a glimpse of the future again.

There was happiness in their future. More of this, less of all the bullshit they were going through.

Benjamin sighed, turning his head to kiss Edward's neck lazily. "I should go to my room. Your parents won't want to keep me if they know the things I do to you."

Edward tightened his arms possessively around the other boy. "Not yet."

Benjamin found his hand and twined their fingers together as he nestled closer, his head resting on Edward's chest. "Not yet," he agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Soooo some sweet to go with the sour again. I hope.
> 
> Thanks so much to jessypt for everything and baburella for also everything. Heheh.
> 
> We're nearing the end of our tale. Maybe 1-2 chapters and an epilogue.
> 
> How are we doing, my darlings?


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi, kids! Thank you so much for your response to this story. You make me smile.

Edward had his shoulders hunched as he walked, and every few feet he glanced over his shoulder. Months of walking down hostile hallways made him paranoid.

Things had gotten better for a little while, but then preparation for the trial had gotten underway. In Forks, it was impossible to escape the gossip. Many of the kids at school and a fair share of adults had been interviewed or had been notified their cooperation would be requested. Edward and Benjamin had received no small amount of hell for the continued harassment of the other boys.

When they were out and about town, they heard all manner of insults from the adults.

 _This has gone far enough. Let those boys have a normal life_.

_On judgement day, you'll have to face the consequences of your sins. You don't have to let destroying the lives of five innocents be one of them._

_Can't you see you provoked them?_

_You must have done something._

In school, their children took their fear and denial a step further. They lashed out verbally and occasionally physically, though fear of ending up in the same mess Felix and his friends were in kept the violence from going past a shove in the hallways.

More often than Edward could count, he'd sat in class, his hands in fists on his lap, staring straight forward with tears welling in his eyes, trying to pretend he didn't hear the vile things his classmates whispered in his ear.

Today, Edward made it to his locker without incident, or so he thought until a folded up note fell to the ground at his feet when he opened it.

Edward froze, feeling the all too familiar twist of trepidation in the pit of his stomach.

Slowly, he bent to pick it up, bracing himself with his hand on the locker beside him. For the most part, his leg was better. He wasn't in nearly as much pain as he had been. Still, the mere sight of the paper had him feeling light headed and shaky.

These notes were only ever one thing. Whether they were shoved into his locker or thrown onto his desk, they were always threats. The written ones were slur laden missives about exactly what the sender, always anonymous of course, would have done in Felix and his friends' place. Sometimes, the threats were illustrations of Edward and Benjamin in the midst of crude acts or bloody in the locker room again.

Edward always looked. He supposed it was a form of masochism, but he always looked. Maybe if he could have thrown them away, he would have been able to resist the urge. As it was, he'd been instructed to hand these threats over to the police to be investigated.

With trembling fingers, Edward unfolded the note.

_Edward and Benjamin -_

_It feels like a really long time now that I've been afraid. I know what I am, and I feared how people would react._

_What happened to you guys was my worst fear realized. I cried so much for you, and I cried for me too because I was scared people would somehow figure out I have the same secret you did. I'm still scared every day, more now because I see the crap you go through._

_I hope it's not a crappy thing to say, but watching what you go through has helped me so much. Not that I would wish it on anyone, but if I were in your shoes, I would have offed myself by now. It's horrible, but you're so strong. I hope it at least helps a little to know that you gave me strength._

_When I saw how brave you both are every day, I thought if you can still come to school after everything, then I can come out to my mom. I've been terrified for years of just talking to my mom. So I did, and it's made such a difference. She's scared for me, but I'm not alone anymore._

_I wish I was brave enough to stand up with you, to be exactly who I am without fear, but I'm not there yet. Someday I will be. Until then, though, I just wanted to thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. If you weren't who you are, I wouldn't be who I'm becoming._

Edward read the letter twice over before his eyes blurred with tears. For once, though, they were good tears. The overwhelming feeling that welled in his chest didn't feel like it was trying to crush him. Instead, he felt buoyed.

Pride.

Despite what his parents and friends kept trying to tell him, that he should be proud of who he was, it was difficult to convince his psyche when so many people seemed to want to hurt him for the same reason. Here, though, was some proof that his existence had meant something to someone.

"Mr. Cullen?"

Edward looked over to see the Principal Greene heading in his direction. The hallway was deserted.

"Is that another threat, Mr. Cullen. Give it here."

"No!" Edward clutched the paper to his chest and swallowed hard. "No, it's not bad. It's fine."

The principal studied him. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, sir. I'm sorry. I'll get to class now."

The principal nodded somewhat reluctantly, and Edward hurried away.

**_~0~_ **

At lunchtime, Edward met up with Benjamin outside his class as per usual. Though they joined their friends in the cafeteria more often than not nowadays, Benjamin wasn't surprised when Edward pulled him toward the parking lot instead.

By then, Edward was driving his own car to school. They climbed in the backseat and did a little kissing before Edward showed Benjamin the note.

The other boy's eyes misted over almost instantly. He traced his fingertip over the words, his breath ragged.

"I like this,  _ya omry_ ," he said in a shaky voice. "So many of them... they say we're destroying something just by being. But they have no evidence of this. What have we destroyed? Here, though... this is creating something good." He twined his fingers through Edward's and rested his head on his shoulder.

Tilting his head against Benjamin's, Edward sighed. "I don't feel brave. I don't feel like I'm fighting for anything. I'm just trying to live my life."

"Didn't you tell me you were braver because I was?"

"Yes, but-"

"No buts. Just listen. And because you stopped to see me despite of this thing that is so wrong with me, you gave me back my confidence in myself.

"We didn't choose this fight, Edward. We didn't choose to be born this way. What we chose was not to hide. We choose to ignore the horrible things people say. We choose to be bigger because we'll never do to another soul what those boys did to us. We choose not to let this destroy us." He lifted his head and pressed a lingering kiss to the underside of Edward's chin.

Edward ducked down to catch Benjamin's lips, kissing him slowly, his hand on the other boy's neck, stroking with his thumb.

When he walked back to school, he walked a little taller. He wondered if the boy or girl who'd left this note in his locker knew that it went both ways. His or her thanks had done wonders. It was a small gesture, but it meant so much to Edward. He wished he could tell that person.

Surrounded as he was by so much fear and hate, this one kid's thanks was a glass of water in the desert, a gasp of fresh air to a drowning man. It was everything.

**_~0~_ **

When Edward was in the hospital, his parents had fielded many calls from various LGBT organizations. Many of them had received money on Edward and Benjamin's behalf. All of it had been gently refused. Edward's medical expenses and psychological expenses were covered under his parents' insurance. He knew he was lucky. He asked that the money go to someone who wasn't so well supported.

But on top of wanting to help him, he knew those organizations also wanted his help.

Edward turned the card for one Garrett Damon over and over in his hand, thinking, tapping it nervously on the edge of his desk.

Emmett had been home for the weekend, and when Edward told his family about the letter, he'd nodded. "That makes sense. My friend, Paul Lahote, he had a really hard time in high school. He's got scars on his wrist. That's how bad it got. He tried to commit suicide."

Remembering the scars on Benjamin's arms, Edward's throat got tight.

"There are those campaigns, you know. The 'it gets better' campaigns, and he said they help a little. But at the end of the day, there's a separation between people like Neil Patrick Harris and Ellen DeGeneres. Like it's great that they can fight for what's right. It's great that they use their celebrity like that, but Paul said, for him, what saved him was this friend of his, Jared. They were on the same basketball team, and their teammates were uncomfortable when Jared came out, but he took all their bullshit in stride. Things weren't great, but they got better for him. Paul said seeing a real person come out the other side of that intact made all the difference for him."

A seed had been planted in Edward's head, and he struggled to know what the right thing to do was.

On the one hand, he wanted to hide in his cowardice. Hadn't standing up cost him enough? He knew how close he came to dying. He knew how close Benjamin had come to being raped, to having his soul crushed. Their lives were incomprehensibly bad, and while they had a plan to move toward a better future, on a day to day basis, it felt like this hell would last forever.

If he called Garrett, they would ask him for help. He wasn't so naive that he didn't understand how valuable he was to an organization. His story had garnered national attention. The family consistently turned down interview requests. The news organizations had long ago tracked down distant cousins who hadn't seen Edward in years and still somehow had an opinion.

Away from a tiny town and away from the hell that was high school, Edward believed his life could be better, normal. It was Washington. He could get married here. In Seattle, he wouldn't be an outcast. He and Benjamin would find peers.

Yet, for all that, he knew there was no guarantee they would be left alone. Just that week he'd read about two men, adults, just walking down a city street holding hands. They were beaten and went to the hospital only to be treated derisively by a nurse. All because other grown men were so angered at the mere sight of them holding hands as they walked down a street. How dare they.

So if Edward got involved with this organization, what would happen? Was it just putting a target on his back?

And if so, the next time something horrible happened to him, would he have to believe what they said? Would it be him bringing it upon himself because he knew going in what could happen?

Edward closed his eyes, resting his forehead on his desk, trying like hell not to start crying again. He was so sick of crying. He was so sick of feeling weak and out of control. Not for the first time, he thought about doing it like the movies. He could become some kind of martial arts expert. He could make sure no one could hurt him, or Benjamin, or anyone else he loved ever again.

At the end of the day, though, there was still reality to deal with. Maybe he wanted the luxury of being any other kid whose biggest complication in life was whether or not they were going to get into college. It was a typically melodramatic teenage thought - that his life was over. In his case, though, it could be true, and that was a weight Edward wished like hell he could cast off.

He tried to breathe though he wanted to scream. Hadn't he said it over and over?

He didn't want it to be his responsibility to fight the good fight.

Frustration had him balling his fists again. His rage was so strong, he felt for a moment like he could uproot a tree and fling it far away from him.

Why? Why? Why?

Why any of this? Why the hate? Why the fear? And even if his life, whom he loved, was something another person couldn't understand, why be so angry that he even existed? Why was the idea that he would love someone like Benjamin so abhorrent? Why did the mere  _thought_ that the could have a life together threaten the fabric of the world?

It made no sense. Absolutely none.

When he started to lament that he'd been born like this, his thoughts stopped cold. Shame pooled like ice in his belly.

No. He wasn't ashamed of who he was, and he definitely wasn't ashamed of Benjamin. Benjamin was amazing, and Edward still felt so lucky to know him, to be loved by him.

No. This was not a burden. This wasn't a malady.

No. It should have been as normal as anything else. Blond, brunette, redhead, raven haired, white hair, gray hair, big nose, small nose, dark skin, light skin, gay, straight, bisexual, pansexual - why wasn't it all normal?

Bella had told him once that there were a million fights to fight, all of them worthwhile in different ways. She said you had to pick your battles because the world was full of things that couldn't be excused, and trying to fight them all would drive you insane.

"But I think you have to fight for something. You have to stand up sometimes. None of us exist in a bubble. You stand up because someone else can't. You speak up because someone else can hear you, and maybe tomorrow, they'll be the ones standing up for you or next to you."

Edward thought of Benjamin, so alone for so long. He thought of how this boy, this man who was everything to him now could have faded away like nothing.

He thought of the letter, and of all the others who had to have been languishing in silence, waiting for someone to be their voice when they were too afraid to speak.

He thought of Paul who didn't  _really_  believe it could get better until he saw it for himself.

Blowing out a breath, Edward punched in Garrett's number before he could talk himself out of it.

"Hello?"

It took Edward a few tries before he could get his voice to work right. "Garrett Damon? This is Edward Cullen."

**_~0~_ **

When they learned of what he wanted to do, Edward's family was visibly frightened for him, but they were supportive. Bella hugged him and told him she was hella proud to be his friend.

There was a lot to iron out. No one wanted to derail the trial. It meant talking to a lot more people, lawyers and publicists among them.

It was a welcome refuge when Benjamin's parents went away for a weekend, letting Edward crawl into the other boys arms to hide for a while.

Of course, Edward had asked Benjamin before he did what he did. It was his life, too, his name that would be bandied about because of the situation if nothing else. Though he'd given Edward his support, he was mostly quiet about what his boyfriend was doing. Edward found it a little frustrating and hard to read.

" _Habeeby_ , I am in awe of you," Benjamin said when Edward confronted him. "You tell me often that I'm braver than you are, but you see? It's not true. I can't imagine doing what you're about to do. Just thinking of the trial makes me want to throw up and hide under the bed."

"I know," Edward murmured, turning his face so his nose was buried in Benjamin's hair. "I just... I don't know. Maybe it's the only way I can pay them back. All of them. Not just those boys but everyone."

"I hope that's not the only reason you want to do this."

Edward raised his head. "Don't you want payback at all?"

Benjamin pursed his lips. "Of course,  _ya omry_. What do you think is the best vengeance? We will get out of this town. We will live beautiful lives because we are beautiful people, and we will leave them here in their ugliness."

Sighing, his heart aching with his desire to be wrapped in the middle of his beautiful future instead of still there in Forks, Edward rolled over and straddled the other boy. He leaned down, kissing him hard, stroking Benjamin's tongue with his own as he moved over him.

Benjamin was more than willing to let the conversation lapse. For minutes that turned into hours, they lost themselves in each other.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Many thanks to songster and jessypt. I THINK one more chapter and the epi. We'll see.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Short chapter cuz it was supposed to be the last one but then the boys got carried away and I decided to split the chapter. So there. Neener. Ahem. Onward!

School was over; one challenge down.

It should have been some of the best times of his life. There was always a different atmosphere to the last two months of the school seniors had one foot out the door. There was a sense of hope. These kids had broken free of childhood. Their future was a blank canvas Edward couldn't even begin to imagine as a Freshman, Sophomore, Junior.

Now it was his turn, and life didn't look at all like he'd expected it. He expected he would know what college he was going to. He would be invited to the wrestling team's graduation party, and it would be him as one of the celebrated graduates alongside his Senior teammates.

Last year, Felix had slapped on the back, laughing when it became obvious Edward had never more than kissed a girl, and he hadn't really seen what the big fuss was at that.

"Tell you what, Cullen," he'd said. "If you haven't gotten yourself laid by this time next year, we'll make sure you get a proper send off."

Everything was different now. He wasn't a virgin, but there would be no backslapping or obnoxious congratulations from his peers. There were no party invitations. The only college Edward would be at next semester was a community college.

These days, Edward only looked as far as the next milestone. School was finally done. Next up was the trial.

"Hey, big brother," Alice chirped cheerfully, throwing herself down on the couch next to him.

Edward ruffled her hair playfully, mustering up a smile. His family was doing their best to keep his spirits up. They'd arranged a small party of their own. Jasper was talking with Emmett, and Bella was on her way.

As much as Edward told himself it didn't matter, who cared what the kids as this stupid, small town high school thought of him, he couldn't help his hurt.

It didn't help any that he was away from Benjamin and knew he would be for the majority of the summer.

By then, most of the town was aware the Cullens were moving. "It's the first decent thing they've done," Edward had heard more than one person mutter.

Either Benjamin's parents had figured out that their son was itching to follow the Cullens out of Forks or else they were still trying to separate him from Edward. Amun had gotten Benjamin a job with him at his work in Port Angeles. He would be busy every weekday, and Edward was more than willing to bet he wouldn't be allowed out to see him on the weekends.

Three months, he reminded himself. Three months and they would be free of Forks and Amun.

Then maybe they could begin living again.

"So how are things with you and Jasper?" Edward asked his sister, trying his best not to slip any deeper into depression than he already was.

Alice actually blushed.

Seeing his sister uncharacteristically flustered cheered Edward considerably. Alice's relationship with Jasper was burgeoning. They were both aware of the attraction between them, but they were skirting around the issue. Edward understood that. Alice was just about to start her Junior year, and Jasper was going to work with an uncle of his in Houston for a year. It wasn't ideal timing to say the least.

Edward wrapped an arm around Alice, leaning in to whisper with her conspiratorially. "If you ever need tips on how to give a fantastic blowjob, I'm right here."

"Edward!" Alice squealed in protest, shoving him away. She growled. "Ugh. You suck."

"That is the idea." He waggled his eyebrows at her.

She was a tiny thing, and she used it to her advantage, barrelling at him with her little fists of fury. "Ow! Hey. Mom!" Edward scrambled, trying to get hold of her. "Mom, Alice is beating me up!"

Emse poked her head in from the kitchen. "What did you do to provoke her?" she asked suspiciously.

Edward just grinned, getting his arms around his little sister and pinning her hands down. They were both giggling.

Alice wrapped her arms around him more gently now, hugging him. Edward tightened his arms around her. "I'm glad you're my brother."

Smiling, Edward squeezed her one more time before he let her go.

Just then, there was a knock at the front door. He looked up to see Bella open it slowly, peering inside.

"Hey, there you are." Edward pushed himself up off the couch to go to her. "What are you doing outside?"

She grinned at him, looking pleased at herself. "I brought you a graduation present."

"You didn't have to-"

Edward trailed off when she opened the door wide revealing Benjamin standing there behind her. Edward gave a little cry of delighted surprise before he had his arms wrapped around the other boy, dragging him inside. "What are you doing here?"

Before Benjamin could answer, Edward kissed him until they were both breathless. He heard Bella laugh at him, but he didn't care.

"How did you do this?" he asked, panting when they finally broke their kiss to breathe.

Benjamin looked at Bella. "She was wonderful. She talked to my father."

Edward blanched. The idea of Bella being around Amun made him almost as uncomfortable as the fact he had to leave Benjamin with his father every day. "Really? What could you possibly say that he would listen to."

Bella looked pleased with herself. "I told him I wanted to spend a little time with Benjamin before I went off to college and probably never saw him again."

"And that worked?"

"She's not telling it right." Benjamin shook his head. "She was all moony eyed and shy. She made it sound like she was in love with me. You told me she wasn't a good actress.

"She isn't," Edward said, incredulous.

Bella elbowed him lightly in the side. "Maybe I needed the right motivation."

"Yes. So my father undoubtedly thinks she's doing her best to recruit me back to the right team."

"When really I've brought him right into the den of inequity."

"You really are the best, Bella." Edward kissed her cheek, letting go of Benjamin long enough to give her a tight hug. "Thank you."

**_~0~_ **

Carlisle and Esme went to dinner in Port Angeles, giving the "kids" time to enjoy their party without adult supervision.

It didn't take long before Edward was making excuses to his siblings and his friends. He took Benjamin's hand and dragged him upstairs.

Alone time for them was little and far between these days. As a result, they were all over each other the second they were out of sight of the others.

Benjamin's hands went up his shirt, his fingers spread wide and warm along his stomach. Edward shivered, pressing Benjamin back against the wall in the hallway. Benjamin widened his stance, letting Edward slip closer so their legs overlapped as they writhed together.

"Jesus." Edward bit down on the inside of his cheek when Benjamin's questing hands cupped him where he was hard.

Trailing moist kisses from the side of Edward's mouth up to his ear, Benjamin murmured something quick and urgent against his skin.

"You're, uh..." Edward stumbled, stifling a moan as he pinned Benjamin against the wall with his hips, stilling his hand. "I don't understand." He didn't think the other boy realized he was speaking Arabic and not English.

Instead of answering, Benjamin tilted his head, kissing Edward's neck. But he lingered, beginning to suck. Edward gasped when he felt the slight sting of the other boy's teeth.

Christ, he was giving him a hickey. Emmett would never let him live it down.

Not that Edward cared at that moment. The feel of Benjamin's teeth, his tongue, his hot, wet mouth along with his hand moving over his crotch was intensely erotic. Critical thinking was not among the skills Edward had access to at that moment.

"I have a gift I'd like to give to you,  _ya omry_." His voice was so low and raspy.

"A gift?" Edward's addled brain was confused. He could care less about gifts. "Sex is a gift."

Benjamin laughed and kissed the tender spot on Edward's neck where he'd left his mark. "Exactly."

The other boy took his hand, pulling him the rest of the way down the hallway and into his room. He pushed Edward's hands away, walking him backward as they kissed. Benjamin gave him a little shove, and Edward found himself on his back on his bed. He scrambled backward like a crab, Benjamin crawling over him. They were still sneaking in kisses as they situated themselves.

Edward ran his hands down Benjamin's back, over his ass, feeling him. The way Benjamin's body moved with his, Edward thought he was going to go out of his mind. His hands fumbled, unsure if he wanted his shirt off first or his pants.

Pants. Definitely pants.

He moved his hands to Benjamin's fly, only to have his boyfriend break their kiss to slide away from him. "Hey. Come back here," Edward protested.

"I told you I had a gift for you,  _ya gameel_." Benjamin knelt, but he kept his hand on Edward's chest, holding him down. When he was sure Edward knew not to follow him, he moved his hand to the button of Edward's jeans and undid them.

Curious and turned on, Edward let Benjamin slide his jeans and then his boxers down and off. He looked a little nervous, even a little shy as he moved again, settling between Edward's legs. Cocking his head, he cupped Edward's balls in one hand, moving his fingers over his cock with the other.

Edward groaned and laughed at the same time, banging his head back against his pillow.

"What's funny?" Benjamin asked, his lips turned up with amusement at Edward's amusement.

"You, um... fuck that feels good. You're kind of looking at it like you do when..." He huffed, stifling another whine of pleasure. "When you look at wood when you're about to whittle. It's making me, ogod, a little nervous."

Benjamin snickered. "Don't worry. I don't have my knife." He bent then, Edward's cock firm in his hand, and licked his head experimentally."

"Oh, christ," Edward muttered, closing his eyes tight. He suddenly understood exactly what Benjamin's gift was intended to be. They'd talked about oral sex, but they were both just slightly weirded out by the idea. He'd been bluffing earlier with Alice. He didn't know the first thing about how to give a good blow job or what a good blow job felt like. "Babe. You don't. You don't have to-" His protest cut off when Benjamin's mouth enveloped him. "Holy fuck," he said on a breath.

It took Edward approximately ten seconds to decide blow jobs were awesome. He had no idea what the hell he might have said as Benjamin worked him over, exploring him with his tongue. He was using all his concentration to keep himself from guiding his boyfriend's head at the pace and depth he wanted him to go. As it was, he might have given Benjamin's hair a few not so gentle tugs.

"Benji. Fuck, I love you so much," he babbled nonsensically. "I'm gonna... Baby, I'm gonna come." He tugged urgently on the other boy's ear.

Sitting back on his haunches, Benjamin finished him off with his hand.

When Edward could see straight again, he found Benjamin looking down at him with a smugly satisfied grin. He snorted. "Was it good for you?" he joked.

"It wasn't bad." He leaned down, letting Edward gather him close for a post orgasm cuddle. "If you're going to say such ridiculous things every time, I definitely want to do it again."

Edward frowned. "I don't remember what I said. Was it really stupid?"

Benjamin kissed him softly. "It was very hot."

Humming against the other boy's lips, Edward was content to kiss him for a few minutes. Then he started to press him onto his back, his hands wandering down between them.

Benjamin caught him by the wrist. "It was a gift,  _habeeby_." He sighed. "We need to be back downstairs."

Grumbling, Edward kissed him again. Harder now. "I do love you," he said quietly, feeling a little shy about it.

Smiling, Benjamin brushed his cheek with his fingertips.  _"Wa ana kaman, ya noor 'inayyi"_

Edward didn't have to know an exact translation. Just the tender tone of Benjamin's voice was translation enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: One thing I've learned from jessypt and barburella? Arabic is an unbelievably romantic language.  
> I do believe next chap will be the last, not counting the epilogue.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: *hugs* I love you guys.

Going back to school after the attack had been terrifying. Edward remembered with absolute clarity how each step had been physically painful to take. At the time, he'd been sure that day was the most frightening and nervewracking of his life.

He was wrong.

Going back to school was as frightening as a two-week-old kitten compared to the turmoil in his head on the drive to the courthouse. He imagined this was what it felt like to be on one of those carts back in the day being wheeled to his untimely death via executioner's likely too-dull for comfort axe.

"I don't want to do this," he whispered to no one in particular. His words weren't really audible. He wanted to scream them, but though his lips moved, no sound came out.

On his left, Esme squeezed his hand.

He found that he couldn't force himself to lift his head to see how Benjamin was doing. Both the other boy's hands were both wrapped around the hand Edward's mother wasn't holding. He could feel how badly he was trembling.

They were both shaking. Hard.

Garrett and his team had arranged for two vans to take everyone to the courthouse. Edward sat in the back of the first van with Benjamin and Esme. Kebi, a surprising, last minute addition to their group, sat in the middle seat with Garrett, and Carlisle sat up front with the driver.

"You're going to be fine, kids," Garrett said, turning around in his seat. He had a friendly, confident demeanor that Edward wished he could borrow for five seconds.

He wished he could be that cocky again.

"The assholes are loud," Garrett continued. "But they're just like lions at a zoo. They can't jump over that moat. They can't touch you."

Edward huffed. He wasn't being placated. He knew damn well there would be no moat between them and whomever wanted them dead today.

"The cops aren't going to let them touch you," Garrett amended.

Edward closed his eyes. His skin felt clammy, and his head spun. The only reason he wasn't hyperventilating to death was the copious quantities of anti-anxiety pills in his system.

"We're going to be right with you. All of us," Esme murmured.

Neither Edward nor Benjamin answered. The only thing that made Edward look up was his father and mother's simultaneous gasps.

Edward's head snapped up as they pulled to a stop in front of the courthouse. It took a full minute for him to understand what he was seeing.

Even if they hadn't been warned by Garrett, the lawyers, and countless others that there would be picketing assholes outside the courthouse, Edward could have guessed that on his own. They were there, of course, with their clever, hateful signs. But right across from them, with equally clever signs, was an even bigger crowd.

Edward's legs felt too wobbly to hold him as he followed his mother out of the van. He looked back at Benjamin, as if to confirm he was really seeing what he was seeing. The other boy stared back, his eyes owlish.

Garrett squeezed his shoulders comfortingly. "I told you. You have a lot of support."

When Edward had called Garrett some months back, among other plans, he'd outlined what he called a soft push. He'd released Edward and Benjamin's story on the social media sites - twitter, tumblr, and the like - where it had spread like wildfire. Garrett had told him these things, but Edward didn't listen, couldn't listen. Wasn't the first rule of being on the Internet at all not to get caught up in the comments section? He'd already been subjected to all the opinions of people he'd grown up with; why would he want to expose himself to the venom of perfect strangers?

Edward twined his fingers tightly with Benjamin's as the group moved forward together. He heard the slurs, the insults, the damnations, but he also heard encouragement.

"Keep your chins up, boys."

And the support.

"Edward! Benjamin! We love you."

"Oh, my goodness," Edward heard Kebi murmur.

He wondered briefly what she must think of all this. These last months she'd been torn. She tended to agree with Amun that Benjamin's perversions should not be encouraged, but she couldn't deny her and her husband's attitudes had almost killed their son once.

Now she was faced with the ugliness the boys had seen from their peers magnified on a larger scale. These people didn't bother to whisper. They thought they had the righteousness of God behind them and they had a crowd to disappear into. Anonymity was courage to a coward.

On the other hand, she could see with her own eyes there were plenty of good people who believed there was nothing wrong with them. They were victims, not of their own bad choices, but of the misguided fear of a different kind of natural.

Edward found he walked taller the closer he got to the courthouse, listening to the kinder words of love drown out the sound of the haters.

**_~0~_ **

Though the support of total strangers was heartening, the trial was still one of the worst days of his life. He'd had to relive the brutal beating for one thing. And despite all logic telling him there was nothing to be ashamed of, he couldn't help but feel shame. He had been bowed and conquered.

Was he wrong? Did having the capacity to love a member of his own gender really make him an abomination?

Had he deserved what he got?

That was what the defense tried to assert. Certainly, the other boys had overreacted, but could they be blamed? Benjamin had watched them for months. Leering. Making them the subjects of his perversions. And Edward? Edward had them pinned beneath his body during practice. He'd seen them in the locker rooms.

Boys would be boys, after all. Things had just gotten out of hand.

"Victim blaming at its finest," Garrett had growled when it was all over, and Edward was finally out of that oppressive courtroom, away from his five former friends. They'd been dressed, like him, so nice. They looked so young and innocent.

Edward had cowered between his parents, just trying to get a handle on himself again, wringing his hands as they waited for Benjamin's testimony to be over. Part of him wished he could be in there. Then again, part of him was relieved. Benjamin couldn't be in the courtroom when he gave his testimony either, and there were plenty of things Edward hadn't wanted him to hear.

But finally, Benjamin emerged. His face was ashen, his hands trembling. Edward pushed himself up, wrapped his arms around him, and didn't let go for a long, long time.

**_~0~_ **

It was days later, and Edward was trying not to think about the trial. He was helping his family pack the last of their belongings and wishing like hell Benjamin was coming with them today instead of three weeks from now.

Though he was relieved to be leaving this place that held nothing good for him any longer, he couldn't help but feel the sting of defeat. It was an odd thing to think, surreal to understand that he had been run out of town. It was something that only happened in westerns.

Things like this shouldn't happen in 2013, but they did.

He felt like a coward, but what kind of life could he have here?

When his father's cell phone rang a minute later, the feeling quadrupled. They had all declined the right to be present when the verdict was delivered, but the attorney had promised to call when the jury came back. Edward's pulse began to race, and he sat heavily on the floor, nervous and afraid of what the news was.

"Hello?" Carlisle answered. He paused. Listening. "Thank you," was all he said before he hung up the phone again. He pressed his fist to his lips, and for a moment Edward felt a rush of panic.

But then his father smiled. It was not a happy smile. Quite the opposite, it was sad. "Guilty on all counts," he said quietly.

Emmett fist pumped and Alice jumped up gleefully. Esme and Carlisle both came to kneel beside their son, wrapping him up in their arms.

"We're so proud of you," his mother told him.

Edward just let them hold him, wishing again that Benjamin was there. He was relieved. He couldn't say he wanted those boys to just get away with it, but it was a hollow victory.

They were, in his estimation, victims in their own right. Their beliefs, their families, their peers, and society at large had told them over and over again there was something wrong with people like Benjamin and Edward. It had been asserted and reinforced from the lessons they learned in their churches all the way down to the seemingly harmless words that were tossed around.

Boys teased each other playfully all the time, calling each other gay as if it were the biggest insult that could be hurled. That kind of play had seemed harmless to Edward at the time, but was it really, in the end?

Words were powerful.

He rested his head on his father's shoulder, suddenly very weary. The problem was too big. Even though he understood today a battle had been won, not just for him and Benjamin but for anyone who'd been a victim of hatred, he also knew the war was far from over.

It was tiring to see the world this way, as one giant battleground, but it was also a reality. There was no escaping it. There was no way to put his head back in the sand.

Emmett squatted in front of him and ruffled his hair. "Ya done good, kid. It's gonna be okay."

**_~0~_ **

It did get better.

Life in Seattle was a breath of fresh air. For the first time in so many long months, Edward could go out in public. He was just another face in the crowd. And the people all around him didn't know him from Adam. There were no taunts, no whispers, no glares.

It was even better when Benjamin could finally join them.

Edward drove back to Forks with Carlisle to pick up Benjamin quite literally at the stroke of midnight. It just worked out that way. Benjamin didn't want to get into a useless argument with his father, so he chose to leave in the middle of the night when his parents were asleep.

He met them outside in the ever present rain with two suitcases and one box to his name. It took less than five minutes for them to stop, for Benjamin to put his things in the trunk, and for them to drive him away from his family.

Edward stayed in the backseat with him, holding him as he shook. No one said much. What could be said?

But when they were finally home Carlisle hugged Benjamin, a long, tight hug that Daddies did best. And then Esme was there to kiss his forehead. Neither of them argued when Edward followed him into his new room, though when they left, they did leave the door open.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked when Benjamin hadn't spoken for a good half hour. They were curled up together under the blankets, but it didn't seem like either of them was going to sleep any time soon.

Benjamin didn't answer right away. "I am... relieved and I'm hopeful, and I haven't been either of those things in a very long time."

"But?"

"I worry for my mother." He shifted, his arm tightening around Edward's waist as he cuddled closer. "And... I worry about us. What happens to us now?"

"I don't know," Edward admitted. But then he pressed a kiss to the underside of the other boy's chin, wanting to relieve some of the heaviness that had settled over them. "But tomorrow, Mom's going to take you to school to get registered, because I'll tell you one thing. I'm not going to put up with having a stupid boyfriend."

Benjamin snorted.

"You know what else I think?" Edward asked, kissing a line along his chin.

"What's that?"

"I think." He kissed his throat, pressing Benjamin onto his back. "It's your birthday." He ran his hand down Benjamin's chest. "And I think." He slipped his hand in Benjamin's pajama bottom, running his fingertips over his length. Benjamin gasped and bucked up against his hand. "I have a gift for you."

"Your family," Benjamin protested with a whispered hiss.

"You better start learning how to be quiet now, shouldn't you?" Edward returned, not stopping his movements.

In the small hours of the morning of the first day of their new lives together, Edward and Benjamin lost themselves to touch and each other.

**_~0~_ **

Day by day, their lives found a structure again. They began not to merely survive from one day to the next, but to actually live their lives.

It was far from perfect. High school was still a breeding ground for stereotyping and nastiness. Benjamin had his fair share of stupid comments thrown his way. He was, after all, not only gay but also Egyptian. Ignorant people were everywhere.

But in a much larger school, Benjamin found a more diverse type of people. He was, as Edward had discovered long before, an interesting, kind, funny boy. It didn't take long for him to find peers, friends.

Since he was eighteen and not subjected to his parents' choices and control, it was easier for him to be honest with them. Amun remained a lost cause for the time being, but Kebi visited frequently. Over time, she began to try to understand Benjamin and worked to repair their relationship. It was a bittersweet thing, as Benjamin shared privately with Edward that he thought his parents' marriage was in shambles, but he was happier for having his mother in his life.

As for Edward, he began to find a purpose.

Shortly after the trial, with Garrett's help, Edward wrote an article about what he'd been through. It was a brutally honest piece, accompanied by pictures of him just after the attack.

It was difficult to see himself that way. His face was cut up and swollen almost beyond recognition. His eyes were closed, of course, he had been comatose. The injuries to his body and his legs were gruesome.

"This is the truth," Garrett told him. "This is what people don't want to understand. They want to stand behind platitudes. They want to say it's okay for people to think we're wrong, bad. It's a nice fairy tale. They throw around words like morals and family values. They say we can corrupt innocent children by simply being born the way we were." He shook his head and touched the images Edward could hardly stand to look at. "Does this look like good family values? Is this what we want to teach our children is moral and acceptable? This is reality, Edward. This happened. To you.

"Make them face it," he said.

So Edward wrote about reality, but he didn't excuse himself.

_I understand what I'm asking you to do. I know how easy it is to turn your head. All the while, while I was falling in love with Benjamin, I was excusing the things I heard my teammates say. I told myself words couldn't hurt him. I told myself they wouldn't harm him physically. When they shoved him and pushed him down, I told myself it was all relatively harmless._

_Even if it had stopped there, it wasn't harmless. It was anything but._

_I stood by and excused away this horrible behavior until it was almost too late._

_What happened to me, what my teammates and my friends did to me, was not my fault. What happened to Benjamin, what they did to his self-esteem and his self-worth and what they tried to do to his body, absolutely is my fault._

_It was my responsibility to speak up. It was my responsibility to tell someone who could help. It was my responsibility to see reality for what it was. Maybe they weren't stabbing Benjamin or hitting him or trying to kill him, but what they were doing to him with every word was tearing him apart._

_That is not okay. That is not something we should just accept as the way life is._

_Just because you're not the one throwing punches, doesn't mean you're not part of the problem. Just because you're not the one whispering behind my back doesn't mean your silence has no weight. The world is changing slowly, for the better, but your voice, your actions can mean the world to one person. One person is worth it, because everyone is worth it._

The article was published, and Edward's life changed again.

His words had helped people.

Here and there, when he was out and about, people would approach him, and they would thank him. There were kids struggling because their parents, like Benjamin's, had pulled the wool over their eyes, refusing to see how hard it could get. There were adults apologizing to him because they'd turned their heads their whole lives and didn't think it had hurt anyone.

He'd made a difference.

Since he wasn't in school for the semester, Edward found himself being drawn into Garrett's organization.

"There's always something to do. You can counsel youth, work the phone lines. There are halfway houses for kids who have been disowned." Garrett put a hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to be an advocate to help."

The work Edward did made him happy and proud. As his pride grew and his paranoia waned, his natural confidence returned.

Edward hung out a lot with Bella and Jasper, both of whom had opted to go to school at the University of Washington. They frequently invited Jasper's roommate Peter along.

One day, Peter was implying, in that testosterone-laden way boys had, that Edward would be no match against him in a game of paintball.

Edward raised an eyebrow. "I think I can handle it, hot shot." He looked him over. "At least I can handle you."

Bella snorted. She got up and gave him the biggest kiss on the cheek.

"What was that for?" he asked curiously.

"Nothing." She grinned at him. "It's just very nice to have you back. All of you, you arrogant asshole."

Edward smiled and hugged her tight.

**_~0~_ **

Edward was telling Benjamin about his day and a girl he'd met who was all turned around. Her parents had been the type to try to have her reprogrammed, sending her away to a "pray the gay away" type camp.

She kept succumbing to her perverted desires, having trysts with women, and she was certain she was condemning herself to hell.

Benjamin snarled something in Arabic that had Edward confused. He tilted his head. "Did you say... something about her parents deserves to be hit with shoes?" He'd been trying to learn Arabic with his boyfriend's considerable help.

Despite the conversation, Benjamin's lips turned up. "It's quite an insult in my culture."

"Sure," Edward said, wrapping his arm around him. "Sixty shoes is a lot of shoes. That would hurt like a bitch."

Benjamin chuckled. "My culture has a... thing about cleanliness."

"Next to godliness?"

"Exactly. So shoes represent filth and impurity. It's a degrading thing to say." He frowned. "I probably shouldn't be saying it, all things considered."

"Arabic is a nuanced language, isn't it?"

Benjamin hummed his agreement. He took Edward's hand, playing with his fingers. "But that is an ugly nuance. There is quite a depth to the more, er, flowery language."

Watching the color rise to Benjamin's cheeks, Edward smirked. "Oh, is that right?" He ran the back of his knuckles of his free hand down his face. "So when you say,  _ya omry_  - you are my life..."

He'd been teasing, but to his surprise, Benjamin's blush only deepened. He continued to look down, studying Edward's fingers intently. His breath stuttered, and he swallowed hard. "The root of omry, omr, means age. When I say that to you... it means I will love you all of my life."

A lump rose to Edward's throat, and his heart began to beat hard. He could tell by Benjamin's tone that there was a heavy weight behind those words.

Benjamin finally looked up, his expression somewhat nervous. "It's not something you say unless you mean it."

Edward felt a smile begin to tug his lips up. "And  _ya noor 'inayyi_?"

The other boy smiled. "You light up my soul." He laughed. "Believe me, in Egypt, it would make your knees weak."

"I believe you." Edward leaned in, kissing Benjamin. It was a soft kiss at first, very sweet, but as he lingered, the kiss heated. When he pulled away, he was breathless, his eyes closed. He touched his forehead to Benjamin's. " _Noor 'inayyi, ya omry."_

When he finally opened his eyes, Benjamin was grinning at him so wide, he was glorious. "I do love you, Edward Cullen." They kissed again, shifting, overlapping their legs and arms. "And I think we're going to live happily ever after."

"Count on it."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: We will get an epilogue. It will be fluffy in nature.
> 
> So much love to barburella, songster, and of course, jessypt.
> 
> How we doing out there, folks?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is it, my loves. Mwah.
> 
> Dedication: For jessypt. I love you so very much, dear one.

The very first photo of Edward and Benjamin together was taken some time before Edward's graduation.

Years down the line, neither of them could remember the occasion, why it had been that day that someone snapped a quick picture. But that one image told a heartbreaking story. It was the picture worth a thousand words.

In so many ways, the picture was painful to look at. The Edward in the image was a shadow of the boy he'd been before. He was skeletal, stress and fear having robbed him of his appetite for too many months on end. His cheeks were gaunt, and he looked so frail. No one would have believed this was the same boy who was in the running for a wrestling scholarship only months before.

Beside him, Benjamin wasn't much better off. He didn't look as frail, but there was a caution in his eyes that was more frightened kitten than anything. His body language seemed to indicate he'd be cowering under the table if he could.

Actually, both boys' posture was stooped, guarded. Their shoulders were hunched, heads ducked, and their eyes were haunted.

But even then, there was a small glimmer of hope.

They were holding hands. Despite their obvious fear and discomfort, they hadn't ever let go.

Of course, in the intervening years, there had been countless other pictures taken of them. Edward's favorite had to be the trio hanging on the wall in their room to the right of the door.

The pictures were taken on the best day of Edward's life: his wedding day.

The men in these pictures couldn't be more different from the injured boys they had once been. These men radiated confidence. They both looked healthy. More than that, they both looked deliriously happy.

On the right they'd been caught mid laugh. Benjamin had Edward in a dip, his arms firm on his back holding him securely. Edward's arms were around his neck, hanging on tight. It captured so much of who they were together. No one made him laugh like Benjamin. No one made him so happy and completely free. There was a deep trust in the way they held each other.

They'd been through hell and back, and they were unshakable.

The picture on the left was another facet. They were cheek to cheek, their faces turned toward the camera. Their hands were clasped together, fingers overlapping. They were a pretty picture - pale skin against dark skin, dark eyes and green eyes lit with the same joy, tinted with mischief in that particular photo. These were two men who had discovered the secret to true bliss.

The photo in the middle was both the most serious and the most beautiful of the set. Their eyes were closed, their heads tilted as they shared a sweet kiss. This was a couple very much in love.

"B-but, Mr. C... That's just... It's..."

Edward raised an eyebrow, looking at one of the students in the class he was leading. "Say what you want to say, Liam. Remember, you're not going to get in trouble here."

Among Edward's many responsibilities in his job with the LGBT advocacy group he worked with, he taught a week long tolerance class at the junior high and high school level. The class was mandatory for kids who'd gotten into trouble over some kind bullying or another. It was part of recent legislation cracking down on bullying behavior in schools.

The fifteen-year-old grimaced, looking back at the picture Edward had brought with him. "Your, uh... Your husband is wearing a dress."

Only practice kept the smirk off Edward's face. He crossed his arms, leaning against the desk behind him. "That's an astute observation," he said lightly, drawing a few giggles from the class. He made a go on gesture with one hand.

"Well, okay. You're gay and all, but why does that mean he has to be a girl?" One of his classmates hissed, and Liam ducked his head, looking a little nervous. "I mean, sorry."

"Don't apologize. Again, this is a safe room." Edward grinned. "First of all, I don't think being called a girl is an insult. A lot of my favorite people, some of the strongest people I know, are girls." He pushed himself up off the desk, pacing a few measured steps in one direction before he turned around. "But okay. Let's talk about this. My husband chose to marry me in a dress. Why does this make him a girl?"

"Because it's a  _dress._ " Liam sounded flustered. "Boys don't wear dresses."

Edward picked up the picture. "And yet, here is a boy in a dress. The dress didn't change his sex nor his gender, right?" He tilted his head at the boy. "If you were to put on a dress right this minute, would you be any less of a man?"

"Yeah, he would," another boy, Santiago chimed in. "He'd be a little girly boy."

"No fucking way," Liam hissed, his shoulders hunched defensively.

"Boys," Edward said warningly before things could get out of hand. He glanced around the classroom. "Jane. Leah. Will you stand up?" They weren't the only girls in the classroom, but they were the roughest by sight. They both wore their hair short in severe cuts. Their styles were similar to the boys, though Jane's shirt was fitted where Leah's was loose. "You're both girls, right?"

They'd already been over sex versus gender, so the girls knew why he was asking, not assuming. They both nodded.

Edward looked back to the class. "So what do you think? I think Leah's wearing the same brand of jeans as you are, Liam. Is she not a girl?"

Leah crossed her arms, glaring down at Liam.

The boy ducked. "Course she's a girl."

"Thanks, Jane, Leah. You can sit down." Edward nodded at the girls. "Benjamin's dress on our wedding day didn't make him a girl anymore than Jane and Leah's t-shirt and jeans made them boys. So let's think about this. Why does it make you feel uncomfortable?" Edward glanced over the class. "Anyone can answer."

"It's just wrong," Santiago grumbled. "Why would any guy want to wear a dress?"

"Why do you wear that shirt?"

Santiago shrugged. "It's comfortable."

"These shoes are not comfortable," Lauren contributed, lifting her foot. She grinned. "But I like the way I feel when I walk in them."

Edward nodded. "Both of those reasons are great reasons to wear what you want to wear." He smiled fondly, remembering. "For your information, to the best of my knowledge this is the first and last time Benjamin ever wore a dress."

As he expected, he heard huffs of disbelief and confusion.

"Then why the hell would someone wear a dress if they didn't even like it?" Leah asked, sounding incredulous. "I hate dresses."

"I didn't say he didn't like it." Edward pursed his lips. "My family was very excited when we were planning our wedding. Neither of us was picky about what we wanted. We knew we wanted a service in front of our family and friends, but we weren't the type that grew up planning our dream wedding or anything like that.

"My sister and my then-fiance were talking tuxes, and she said she always wanted to help pick out a wedding dress. He started trying on dresses to indulge her." He huffed, shaking his head. "Which, if you know my sister, is what ends up happening nine times out of ten with her. You indulge her whims because she's just that kind of charming.

"Anyway. To make a long story short, they got to talking, and Benjamin, cheeky bum that he is, decided there was no reason he shouldn't have a pretty white dress. It was comfortable, and he felt good wearing it." Edward chuckled. "Alice and the friends that were with him stroked his ego, believe me."

Lauren looked uncomfortable. "But... it didn't bother you?"

"Why would it? It didn't change anything between us. What he wears any day doesn't change who he is to me, how much I love him, or the way we live our lives. Why would it bother me?"

"It was your wedding day." Lauren still sounded boggled. "You looked good. Didn't you want him to look good?"

Edward's smile was patient. "He did look good. You know all the cliches you've read about. When I saw him that day, he was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, and I was the luckiest guy on the planet. But I probably would have thought the same thing regardless of whether he was in a tux, a dress, or his birthday suit."

He waved his hand. "But enough mush. It's important to think about these things. Really think. It's all connected. Why did my husband wear a dress on our wedding day? Because that was what he wanted to do. That was how he felt comfortable. It didn't change anything about him. Not his personality. Certainly not his gender. Santiago over here will still be Santiago if you put him in a dress, or a toga, or lederhosen. And all of that should be fine, you know, unless he's breaking the dress code."

That earned him a few rolled eyes and a small titter.

"The point is, eventually, we all figure out what makes us comfortable." He crossed his arms, a more defensive than relaxed movement now than it had been just a few minutes before. "When I was eighteen, I figured out it made me happy to kiss members of my own sex. In particular, one member of my own sex. My Benjamin. It didn't change anything about me. It didn't make me a girl or any less of a friend. I was exactly the same person I had been the day before he kissed me.

"You're going to see things, hear things that make you uncomfortable. Maybe it's going to be a boy in a dress, or a girl kissing another girl."

"That wouldn't make me uncomfortable," Liam said. The class snickered.

Edward shot him a warning look, but he continued. "A natural reaction to being uncomfortable, to being afraid, is anger. But that's where you have to think, why are these people doing these things?

"The answer is because it makes them happy, it makes them comfortable, it's what they want to do. What they aren't doing is specifically trying to make you uncomfortable. They aren't trying to piss you off. What they are doing has absolutely nothing to do with you." He looked at each of the kids in turn as he spoke, watching their expressions. They ranged from angry to thoughtful. Edward had led this class often enough to expect anything. He knew damn well he wasn't going to get through to all of them.

But he always imagined these kids were Felix, James, Demetri, Paul, or Riley. He tried to think about how different things would be, not just for him but for them, if someone had given them a different perspective.

Every once in a great while, he would see the light of understanding dawn on one of the kids' faces. It made every battle he fought, even the ones he lost, worth it.

**_~0~_ **

It was getting toward evening by the time Edward made it home. He had no sooner opened the door then he heard the pitter patter of little feet accompanied by a rallying cry of, "Daaaaaaadddddddeeeeeeeee," before Tia, his three-year-old daughter appeared. He quickly put down his bags so he could catch the girl as she leapt at him.

"Mia Tia." There was nothing quite like baby girl hugs to cure a bad day.

As he stood, it occurred to Edward there was something digging into his chest. He held his baby girl at arms length. "Oh, my goodness. Tia, does Papa know you've got what must be most of his necklaces on?"

Tia giggled, but it was Benjamin who answered as he appeared from his workshop. "Tia was being my model, weren't you,  _bent alby_?"

"I's very pwetty, Daddy," Tia informed him, holding the the necklaces aloft for Edward's inspection.

Edward touched his forehead to her much smaller one. "You're beautiful, baby girl." He cuddled her close again, letting the feel of her small body in his arms calm him further.

When he looked up, Benjamin was staring, his expression concerned. "What's wrong?" he asked in Arabic, his tone light so Tia wouldn't pick up on it.

Edward shook his head, leaning over to give his husband a hello kiss. "I'll tell you later."

The boys settled down to the dinner Edward had brought home then. As usual, Tia chattered happily about her day, happily oblivious to her Daddy's stress. Benjamin was very aware though. He kept his hand on Edward's knee under the table, squeezing comfortingly every now and again.

"Miss Cah-men brought her Aunt today," Tia told them of her daycare teacher. "She called her tia so I kept going, 'What, Miss Cah-men?' But tia means aunt in Spanish. Didjoo know that, Daddy?"

"I did."

"So I know English, an' Ar'bic, an' Spanish now."

She looked so smugly pleased with herself, Edward and Benjamin both laughed. Edward stroked his hand down her sleek black hair. "You're so smart, Mia Tia."

"I know," she chirped merrily.

They ate, cleaned up, and spent the rest of the evening together in the living room. Edward watched from the couch as Benjamin and Tia drew together.

He wanted to shake off his melancholy. What did he have to be sad about? Look at what he had.

There was his husband, the man he'd been with for almost all of his adult life. Eleven years they'd been together. They'd stood by each other from those early days when they were forced to face the ugliness of humanity to the more mundane problems of growing up. They'd had their ups and downs, almost broken up twice as they grew and changed. They'd persevered and were stronger for it. Like any couple, they had their problems, but they were also deeply in love. Benjamin was passionate, talented, and smart. He was everything Edward could want in a partner.

Then there was their daughter, their precious Tia.

In his work, Edward often met people at the lowest points in their lives. Now more than ever he understood how lucky he'd been having the family he had when he was nearly beaten to death. So many suffered the same or worse fates than he had and had no one to put their arms around them, no one to pick them back up and tell them they could be safe again.

Tia's birth mother, Maggie, was one such sad case. When a boy she'd trusted, her best friend for many years, had found out she was gay, he'd forced himself on her. To show her what she was missing, of course. If only she knew what she was missing, she would get over the idea she didn't want to have sex with men. When they found out why her friend had done what he did, her family hadn't blamed him; they'd cast her out for being unnatural.

It was, like so many of the cases he worked with, heartbreaking and frustrating. But out of that ugliness, there were also happy endings.

Seeing the unconditional love and adoration Edward and Benjamin had for Tia even before she was born had healed something in Maggie. When Tia was born, Maggie had told Edward the best thing he could do for her was to raise the little girl with love and compassion.

" _Don't let what happened to me happen to her. Just promise me you'll love her no matter who she becomes."_

Watching his baby grow, Edward couldn't imagine a day when she wouldn't own his heart. Tia was the light of their lives. She completed them.

For now.

Edward was a very lucky man.

He reminded himself of this when he put Tia to bed, stretching out alongside her to read her favorite bedtime story. Three times. She fell asleep, her cheek hot against his shoulder. Edward pressed a long kiss to her forehead before he carefully eased himself out of her bed and tucked her in.

Benjamin was leaning up against the doorjamb watching them with a serene smile on his face. He offered his hand and drew Edward to him, bringing his back up against his chest and resting his chin on his shoulder. " _Bent oona gameela_ ," he murmured. Our girl is beautiful.

"Yes," Edward agreed, stroking his fingers along Benjamin's hand.

"Tell me what's troubling you,  _ya omry_."

Edward sighed, but he haltingly told Benjamin about the encounter he'd had with an angry parent after his class.

It wasn't anything he hadn't heard before. Hate and intolerance was a learned behavior. The vast majority of the parents of the kids who'd ended up in his class didn't feel like their kid should be there. It was a requirement, though, or else the kids could be expelled. The schools were finally taking bullying seriously.

Tonight it had been Lauren's mother. She'd ranted and raved at Edward, telling him how much she didn't appreciate anyone telling her daughter homosexuality, among other things, was okay. She'd continued to spew the usual righteous nonsense backed up with arbitrary Bible quotes and a healthy smattering of, "you're going to hell."

When she'd gotten to the obligatory, "Two members of the same sex cannot produce children," Edward had politely informed her he had a daughter.

"She was so disgusted," Edward told his husband.

Benjamin sighed, nuzzling his nose along Edward's neck. "Look at our baby. She is happy and healthy. She's kind to the other children at daycare. Why is that so immoral, hmm?"

"I know that." Edward leaned back against Benjamin, comforted by his arms. "It's not that I doubt us. Of course I don't."

"Then?"

"It's the rest of the world." He nodded toward their sleeping daughter, the fears and frustrations he'd been wallowing in the past few hours spilling over. "No matter what we tell her, she still lives in a world trying to convince her nothing about us is normal. The fairy tales she reads, the movies and television shows we watch, are all about straight people's happily ever afters." He lifted their hands, pale skin overlapping dark. " _White,_  straight people." He sighed. "We still don't quite fit into the design of the world."

This wasn't the first time he'd had this exact fear. It was a horrible, helpless feeling - wanting to fix a world's worth of injustice and inequity.

Benjamin said nothing at first. He shifted Edward in his arms, cupped his cheek, and kissed him. They were slow kisses, designed to warm the cold places in Edward's heart where fear still resided.

This kind of injustice, the normalization of a very specific kind of life, family, had almost cost him his life once upon a time.

"The world changes only in increments, Edward," Benjamin's words rumbled against his lips. "You can't change everyone's mind." He gestured again to the baby. "We will teach our Tia how to be compassionate and accepting even of things she doesn't understand. Then, one day, she will teach her children and they their children. And the world will change."

Edward closed his eyes, letting his husband's kisses chase away the last of his bad mood.

"Now, come with me to bed." Edward opened his eyes to find Benjamin smirking at him. "Maybe we can't make a baby, but that doesn't mean we can't practice. You never know when science might catch up with us." He winked.

Edward laughed, kissing him adoringly.

" _Noor 'inayyi, ya omry,"_ Benjamin breathed between kisses. "And I love you."

"I love you, too. Always."

**_~The End~_ **

 


End file.
